Milestones

Parenting & Patriotism

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Parents, the 4th of July is right around the corner. Hopefully, you have plans to grill out and shoot fireworks with friends and family. However, have you considered how we as Christians should think about the 4th of July, as well as patriotism in general? For example, should we be leading the charge in celebrating this nation that we grew up hearing was founded on biblical principles? Or should we lead the charge in mourning the many sins of our nation? And how should we talk to our kids about it? Hopefully, these few simple ideas will help.


  1. Remember that our citizenship is in heaven and our identity is in christ

Above all else, we should remind our children that the truest and most essential thing about us as Christians is that we are God’s. It’s not the grades we get in school, the color of our skin or the country we live in. As Christians, we have more in common with believers from other nations than we do with our unbelieving fellow Americans. The Bible says that our citizenship is in heaven. (Philippians 3:20) We are on this earth for just a little while before we spend eternity with Jesus and even while we are here, our allegiance is to Jesus and His kingdom above all else.

The truest and most essential thing about us as Christians is that we are God’s.

2. Celebrate the Good

As parents, we should help our kids remember all the good that we have by living in America and be grateful for it! We are free to meet openly with our church family on Sundays and throughout the week. We are not in danger of physical persecution for being a Christian. As well, most of us have access to food, drink, education and healthcare and we can be grateful for that! 

By celebrating and thanking God for the good things that we have in America, we are not saying that we are better than other nations. There is a good emphasis these days that ultimately has its roots in Scripture of celebrating other cultures and seeking diversity in every sphere of life. In fact, the Bible says that when we worship God in heaven, we will be doing so with people from every nation! (Revelation 7:9)

At the same time we’re thanking God for all of the blessings we have, we can pray for those who don’t have the same blessings.


3. Mourn the bad

It’s good for our children to know that neither America nor any other nation is perfect, because every nation is made up of imperfect people. We need God to intervene to end racism, religiosity, greed and selfishness which run rampant in America. We should mourn this and teach our children biblical values, not American ones.


4. Pray and work for the good of our nation. (Jeremiah 29:7)

Finally, as citizens of heaven, we should pray for the good of our nation, the leaders of our nation and the people in our nation. We should also find every opportunity to work for the good of our nation and neighbors.* So enjoy your hotdogs, hamburgers and fireworks, and find a second to talk to your kids about how we as Christians should view this holiday and this nation.

*For ideas of what you can do regarding racial justice, click here.


Additional Resources:

Parenting is Hard

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Let’s start here: Parenting is hard. Anybody have a hard time just getting your kids up and going in the morning? But I mean more than that. Parenting is truly difficult at all kinds of levels, even physically. Parents deal with an extreme lack of sleep, with sensory overload - crazy sounds and smells, and with a constant need for diligent attention. 

I know of nothing else that exposes our selfishness like parenting. As well as laziness, control issues, anger, anxiety, and the list goes on. It stresses the marriage relationship. It makes you face areas of brokenness in your own family of origin. And don’t hear me wrong. It’s also wonderful...sometimes. And it’s hard almost all the time. And that’s just normal day to day parenting. We’re not even talking about the thousands of types of suffering families go through every day.

Thankfully, God’s Word is incredibly helpful for us as parents. Deuteronomy 6 is known as the shema. This is the ancient Hebrew philosophy for how education, parenting and generational discipleship work. We’ll use this picture of 3 concentric circles as we walk through this passage.

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Deuteronomy 6:4-9 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 

This is the center, the anchor. Reality and truth are not beholden to our preferences or perspective. There is a fixed, immovable anchor at the center of the universe. Yahweh, the Lord our God. This is good news because anchors help us not drown in storms. And parenting is a storm. 

5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 

Circle #1: Your relationship with God.

How beautiful is it that God’s primary command in all the Scriptures is to love Him. For many of us that’s hard to believe, but the thing God cares about most is that you walk in a loving relationship with Him. What an incredible God. Jesus was asked what the most important command is in the whole Bible and He quotes this verse. 

Why? Because everything else falls apart if you live with anything else as central in your life. Pleasure, substances, a significant other, your kids. They can’t hold up under the weight. Nothing else is worthy of centrality in your life. Nothing else is worthy of your ultimate love.

At a more practical level when it comes to parenting, you have to start here with Circle #1 because you cannot mandate onto your children’s hearts something they don’t see modeled in yours. 

One of our favorite and slightly terrifying ways to say this came from a pastor named Wayne Cordeiro. “You can teach what you know, but you reproduce who you are.” You can tell your kids 1000 times that prayer is important but none of that changes the fact that they will look at your life and see if you pray or not. 

Some of you are playing this silly religious game - “Well I want to raise my kid in church so they’ll be good and moral and stuff.” But the problem there is you can’t honestly believe 1 hour a week here with us is going to put a dent in the 167 other hours they spend elsewhere every week.

The only way this thing works is if the church is partnering with you to help you love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and your kids are getting to see that in you. It is not possible for the church to replace you as your kids’ primary discipler. And we don’t even want to try. 

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 

Circle #2: Your relationship with your kids.

If you focus on God as the anchoring center point of your universe and build out from there--if your primary focus in life is loving and walking with Him--then it will flow naturally that you would want to share that with your kids. 

“But I don’t know what to say!?” Well ... what do you know about God? Tell them about that. What are you thankful about who God is and what He’s done in your life? What have you read about God in His Word recently? What do you pray to God about? Tell them about that. If the answer to all that is “uuhhhh... I got nothing.” Then that’s a problem with Circle #1.

And because God knows that our schedules are crazy busy, I love the simplicity of the commands in these verses:

“You shall talk of them... when you sit in your house.” Do you ever find yourself sitting around your house? Perfect. That’s a great time to talk to your kids about God. 

“And when you walk by the way.” This can literally be translated, “As you’re out and about.” We need to see that this is not saying add 10 more things to your routine. It’s saying as you’re going, weave conversation about God into the rhythms you already have. 

“And when you lie down” - Every night. Bedtime is a great time to think about and talk about and love God together with your kids. 

And when you rise” Every morning. This is another opportunity to remember who God is and that we are His.

So here’s how this works in the Ludovina household. 

  • “When we sit in the house”. Almost every night at dinner, after we eat we get out a Bible and a devotional and we read some Bible together and discuss it. And I get to share my love of God and His Word with my kids. And we say out loud the same 4 rules every time. Things like “I will not ask questions that have nothing to do with what we’re talking about.” And “I will not get up and go to the bathroom.” And half the time we break half those rules, but we’re aiming for 18 years of parenting that show off God’s splendor, not 18 perfect minutes of a single devotion. 

  • When we walk by the way.” Most often this is in the car. Once we were listening to a song and the lyrics were, “your love, your love, your love is my drug.” I reached over and turned it down, “What are they singing about? Why would they say love is like a drug? They depend on it, huh? Do y'all think that’s healthy? No, no it’s not. Why not? Because they’re treating that person like God. That won’t ever work will it? Want me to tell you again how daddy idolized relationships when in high school and college? No, heard that one enough? Ok, we can go back to music. No we can’t turn it up. Daddy gets migraines.”

  • When we lie down” Almost every night bedtime involves singing, prayer, and snuggles. I love to get down in my kids’ bed with them and ask, “How was your day? Was anyone mean to you today? What was the best part?” I have 5 kids and it’s a lot. But it’s worth it. Almost every night I say, “You know daddy loves you? Forever and ever? No matter what? And you know I’m proud of you? And you know why? Because that’s how God loves me. I’m trying to show y'all His love.”

  • When we rise” Every morning is a bit of chaos before we get out the door, but we all huddle up in the kitchen and pray for 20 seconds before we leave. “God help us. Help us wake up. Help us love the people you put around us. Help us remember that we go out with You today.”

Now this is an article about parenting and it’s easy to read this text with an assumed parental lens. However, if you go back to verse 4, this whole set of instructions was given to Israel. Not just parents. So while it certainly applies to parenting, it’s also bigger than that. Because raising kids is an all-of-us project. A village of people are needed to teach our children how great and worthy God is.

9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Circle #3: Your relationship with your neighbors.

I won’t get into this deeply but the third circle is when the first 2 circles are working well, our families start to become this beautiful oasis of joy and laughter and peace. Our families and community have the ability to be a signpost to heaven for other families in our city. To where other families start going “what’s that about?” And you get to have conversations about this unbelievable God at the center of the universe who loves us more than we can imagine. And the thing He cares about most is that we love Him and walk in relationship with Him. So I’m just trying to bring my kids in on that and help them understand that in my own limited and imperfect ways. That’s our 18-year goal. And yeah we’d love to invite you and your family into that in any way that’s helpful to you. You will find this to be a different approach to parenting and mission and your neighbors than “I can’t believe you let your kids watch Harry Potter. Ughhh. You know that’s witchcraft, right?”

Remember, the shema only works from the inside out. If you don’t start with God and your love for Him. Your identity will be off. Your sense of security and hope will be off. Your ability to train your kids will always end up imbalanced in one direction or the other. It’ll be child-centered or parent-centered and both are broken because neither you nor they are God. You're going to be crushed by the fact that your kids are infringing on your freedom and there’s no way to actually parent them without infringing on their freedoms.

However, if you start with God as the center and move to circle 1 and then circle 2 and circle 3, it all works. 

  • When it comes to truth, God decides what is true and He teaches us and we teach them. 

  • When it comes to authority, God is in charge and He puts us in charge, not to abuse or dominate our children but to lovingly serve them with godly direction and discipline.

  • When it comes to purpose, God gives us meaning and He gives us purpose in loving our kids and leading them into where real purpose and meaning is found. 

  • When it comes to relationships, God invites us into a perfect loving relationship with Him. He trains us why it’s worth it to restrict our freedoms for the incredible joy found in a loving relationship with Him, with our kids, and with our community and we get to share all of that as we lead our kids into it.

With these circles in order, over time, you’ll find that God of the universe -- the God who invented parenting -- has all the wisdom and all the love and all the patience and all the joy and strength and courage, conviction, and resolve that you’re going to need for the parenting marathon. Even through the terrible 2s. And even through the middle school years. 

And over time He’ll grow fruit in you and in your relationship with your spouse and kids in such a way that even the neighbors might start to notice. 

For more resources on parenting, visit midtowncolumbia.com/parenting.

Milestones Resources | Marriage Books & Resources

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In the midst of the chaos of parenting, many married couples forget to fight to stay connected and growing in all types of intimacy. The following marriage books and resources are helpful tools to recapture God’s vision for your marriage and stay connected while you disciple your kids. 

With all book and resource recommendations, remember to keep your discernment meter up. Eat the meat and spit out the bones. Take the helpful truth about marriage and prayerfully apply it to your marriage in a way that is most fruitful for you.

Recommended Reading:

Meaning of Marriage 
By: Tim and Kathy Keller

When Sinners Say I Do 
By: Dave Harvey

A Marriage You’d Actually Want (Sermon series)
By: Midtown Fellowship

Christ-Centered Relationships (Sermon series)
By: Francis and Lisa Chan

This Momentary Marriage 
By: John Piper

What Did You Expect? 
By: Paul Tripp

$10 Great Dates 
By: Larson and Arp

Milestones Resources | Music for Family Worship

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Music may be the single greatest tool in all of creation that helps kids memorize words, concepts, and ideas. One-and-a-half-year-olds can memorize every single lyric of “Let it Go” from Frozen. While memorization without discussion and application can backfire, using music to help God’s Word soak deep into your child’s heart can lead to very fruitful conversations and discussions later on. 

With all resource recommendations, remember to keep your discernment meter up. Eat the meat and spit out the bones. Most of these songs and albums are chock-full of Scripture, but as always sing the ones that are most beneficial and enjoyed by your family.

Recommended Resources:

Milestones Resources | Books for Family Devotions

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Along with developmentally helpful Bible translations and story-books, many families find devotionals to be a helpful resource to help them study God’s Word and discuss together. These are especially helpful as your child begins to read and grasp more complex ideas about God. As well, many of these devotionals can be helpful as your child learns personal habits and rhythms of spending time with God on their own. 

With all book and resource recommendations, remember to keep your discernment meter up. Eat the meat and spit out the bones. Take the helpful observations and truth and prayerfully apply them to your family in a way that is most beneficial for your family.

Recommended Reading:

Milestones Resources | Bibles for Different Stages

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Nothing is more important for stacking gospel kindling around a child’s heart than helping your child learn God’s Word. In 2 Timothy 3, Paul rejoices in the fact that Timothy has been familiar with the Bible from his infancy. And he says the reason why is that these “... sacred writings are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” Each of these translations and/or books based on narratives from the Bible help put the sacred writings in bite-sized chunks that kids at different stages can learn.

Baby and Preschool Stage

Preschool and Elementary Stage

Milestones Resources | Resources for Cultural Issues

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Teaching your child how to walk in the midst of our cultural moment is one of the most difficult tasks that parents face. The American narrative for reaching the good life is very different than Jesus’ narrative for abundant life. The type of person our culture is shaping us to be is very different than the type of person Jesus wants to shape us to be. The following books and resources are helpful in studying, thinking about and discussing cultural issues with your kids. 

With all book and resource recommendations, remember to keep your discernment meter up. Eat the meat and spit out the bones. Take the helpful observations and truth and prayerfully apply them to your family in a way that is most beneficial for your family.

Broad Cultural Issues:

Technology:

Diversity:

Sexuality:

Manhood/Womanhood:

Milestones Resources | Parenting Books

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Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. As we run the race marked out for us, there are all kinds of distractions and obstacles to staying focused on discipleship as the heart of parenting. For some of us, we’ve never seen healthy gospel-centered parenting modeled. For others of us we know the picture we’re aiming for but we find ourselves drifting over time. We’ve found all of these books to be helpful tools whether you’re building a solid foundation for the first time, or just need an encouraging refresher as you continue to run faithfully.

With all book recommendations, remember to keep your discernment meter up. Eat the meat and spit out the bones. Take the helpful Biblical principles and prayerfully apply them to your family in a way that works best for you.

Recommended Reading: