While it’s our aim that most members of the group help create a healthy group dynamic, this person seems to be doing just the opposite. So we’re left wondering what we’re supposed to do, and our selfishness tempts us to exclude and view them as a problem. However, God calls us to care for them, trusting that He will create good things out of a challenging situation. In Luke 6:32-33 Jesus challenges his followers to do the same, saying:
“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? “
If we trust God and strive to do his will even when we don’t want to, God will use these challenging situations to shape us to be new creations, made in the image of Jesus. With the help of other LifeGroup members and Core Group members, your LifeGroup can grow by accepting every member in spite of their sin and extending grace to them, in the same way Jesus extends grace to you.
With the help of some practical steps, you can care for each other as God intended us to care for each other as brothers and sisters in Christ:
Identify the difficult behavior:
Insecure - does not share due to fear or shame
Oversharers - lacking in self-awareness and limits others participation
Challengers - can dominate and control
Disengaged - spiritually or mentally apathetic
Actively sinning/unrepentant
Etc.
Pray to see your own biases, areas of weakness, and weakness within the group.
Is their difficult behavior prompting in you a sinful reaction like bitterness, anger, or cynicism? Consider Matt 7:1-5. Before you speak with them, examine your heart.
Pray for the person and show love towards them.
Prayer surrenders control to God and builds unity. As you continue to pray, the Lord will build your affection for them. Pray for them for more time than you will confront them.
C.S. Lewis’s words are helpful here:
“Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”
In other words - are you having a hard time loving them? Act as though you do and generally, your feelings will catch up.
Similarly, in her memoir, Thérèse of Lisieux describes her way of dealing with difficult people, calling it “the Little Way.” Basically, she made it a practice that if there was anyone who annoyed her, to intentionally go out of her way to approach them, with a warm smile on her face, and engage in conversation. In this, she saw that Jesus was using such people in her life to teach her more about her need for grace and less about her need to “fix” the other person.
Discuss with some Core Group members.
Engaging Core Group guides them towards leadership and knowing how to respond to similar situations in the future.
Do they notice the problem, and do they have any potential solutions?
Are there any Core Group members who are thinking and acting sinfully towards them? If so, direct them to pt. 2 and 3.
Who is (are) the best person(s) to meet with the difficult person?
Prepare for a one-on-one meeting with the person. Anticipate and prepare for resistance and confrontation. Contact Coach if needed.
Recognize this is a discipleship opportunity. Showing people where they have a challenge can help it become a strength.
“I love you and I want Jesus for you, and because of that, I want to bring something to your attention that you may not be aware of.”
Use direct communication to identify the specific behavior and its negative impact on the group.
“When you do _______, my perception is ______”
Give them specific steps to help them grow in this area.
“I would ask moving forward you do ________. What are your thoughts on this?
Redirect and redeem their weaknesses. Meaning, affirm what is good and redirect the good for the benefit of the group.
“I’m thankful for you, and I’m glad you’re in our group. Again, I want Jesus for you and your relationship with Jesus is more important than our friendship, so thank you for taking the time to listen to me.”
Follow up as needed.
Gracious follow-through shows genuine care.