Questions to Ask Before You Date

In the last post, we helped identify intimacy issues. In this post, we want to help those of you who are single know what to look for in a person you hope to date. In our life as a church, we have seen more people derail their relationship with Jesus because of dating relationships than almost anything else, so we want to be proactive in helping you think through dating and relationships before they go bad, or even before they start. So here's 6 questions you should ask before entering into a dating relationship with someone:

  1. Are they a Christian? And by this we don't just mean "do they go to church?" Tons of people in the south go to church--that doesn't make them a Christian. Take a glance into their lives: is there any evidence of a love for Jesus in their life? Do they love other people? Do they understand and believe the gospel? If the answer is no, do not move on to any other questions on this list.
  2. Do they have any good friends? If they don't, that's usually a sign that they don't work well with people, which is going to be pretty bad news for their ability to work well in a relationship. Not to mention, if they don't have any close friends, you're going to end up being their only friend really fast, which is very unhealthy for a dating relationship (and a little boring).
  3. Are any of their friends solid Christians? If their closest friends are solid Christians, chances are they're solid as well. If they're closest friends aren't Christians, there's a few options. Either they recognize this and are trying to help them grow, they don't realize their friends aren't solid, or they realize they're not solid and don't care. If they don't have Christian friends, that may also be a hint that they're not a Christian either.
  4. What is their dating history? If they have a reputation of going from relationship to relationship, chances are you're about to be the next victim in their careless dating repertoire. They may say "but I've changed." Awesome. Give it time to see if they really have changed before jumping straight into a relationship with them.
  5. Are they a part of a church family? This goes back to #1. Don't just ask if they go to church. Ask if they're involved with a church.  There are very few excuses for a "no" on this one.
  6. Will you be more effective for Jesus together than separate? If you consider yourself a Christian, that means all of life should be leveraged for the gospel. So if you both become less effective for Jesus because you're dating, that's a fail.

Are you in college and want to learn more about dating and relationships?

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