Jesus calls us to walk in the light, confessing our sins to God and each other. God’s Spirit works through confession and community to lead us to repentance. (Romans 3:23-24, James 5:16 and 1 John 1:5-10)
Surface sins and idols are visible, noticeable sin patterns whereas “deep” idols address the sin underneath the sin. Surface sins ask, “What did you do?” Deep idols ask, “What prompted you to do what you did?” As followers of Jesus, we want to examine and confess both surface sins and deep idols in order to experience deeper freedom and joy in Jesus.
The four deep idols are power, control, comfort, and approval. Below is their breakdown.
Power
Definition: over-desire for significance through success, winning, and influence. May feel the need to be right, the best, competent, outstanding, “special” person. In fact, you may hear your those whose go-to is power assert how “good” they are.
Fears: Humiliation and meaninglessness. Wants to avoid feeling insignificant.
Impact on relationship dynamics: Others are either idealized (corresponds to desire) or devalued (corresponds to fear). Others feel used by them. Affirmation/praise from others is not a priority or they do not depend on it, because they are their own judge and they know that they are right and good.
Problem emotions: Dominant emotion is anger expressed outwardly.
Control
Definition: over-desire for certainty which exhibits through control of self, environment, others - not necessarily by dominance, but more by control over doing something, working hard, being self-disciplined, upholding standards. They may seek certainty and may seek to be self-sufficient.
Fears: Uncertainty, criticism, and may want to avoid feelings of uselessness, irrelevance (I don’t matter), which may lead to a sense of being invisible (non-existent).
Impact on relationship dynamics: Others feel condemned around them. They believe others rely on them. Others are drawn to their capacity to perform (very capable) and solve problems, but others are kept at a distance and they usually do not feel much affect towards others. Social distance is present, while power people seek a wider social circle.
Problem emotions: Feeling worried or anxious
Approval
Definition: over-desire to please, to get affirmation and acceptance through relationships by helping and meeting others’ needs/desires. They need to get positive feedback, to provide services so that others need them. They may be susceptible to codependency.
Fears: Rejection, avoids conflict, and may struggle with cowardice.
Impact on relationship dynamics: Others are feared or idealized. Others may feel smothered by them because they need affirmation to feel worthy. Others tend to see them as warm, friendly, and non-aggressive. Absorbs criticism and may easily say that they are bad or wrong.
Problem emotions: Implosion of fear. Avoids situations for fear of conflict and avoids people for fear of rejection. Usually seeks connections with others to soothe their fear.
Comfort
Definition: over-desire for avoidance of pain/stress by seeking freedom from responsibility, expectations, and anything that may feel unpleasant by seeking immediate gratification through addictive behaviors or through numbing and escaping.
Fears: Stress and demands and may seek privacy.
Impact on relationship dynamics: Others may feel neglected or annoyed because they may seem indifferent and may be unproductive. They do not believe that others care about them, thus the lack of response to others. They tend to be passive-aggressive.
Problem emotions: Restlessness, boredom, and weariness as a result of detaching, consequently feeling meaninglessness and isolation.