Ways to Manage Your Screen Time (How to Digitally Detox)

Our eyes are rudders that will direct our hearts. We get to choose where we set our gaze. We become what we behold.

-Ruth Chou Simons

For many of us, one of the biggest obstacles keeping us from following Jesus together is how we manage our time. According to a recent study, the average American spends over eight hours a day watching TV, their laptop, and their phone for the primary purpose of entertainment consumption. When we allow such entertainment and distraction to eat away at our time, we not only don’t create space to spend time with Jesus, we unknowingly develop habits that make it increasingly difficult to spend time with Jesus. Without fighting for margin in our schedules to focus on Him, we become people marked by distraction, worry, and busyness rather than people of peace, love, and joy that God intends for us.

If media/entertainment/screen consumption is one of the biggest practical threats to becoming people of peace, then let’s consider how to fight back. Below are some helpful practices in digital detoxing - what’s one practice you can implement today?

1 - Limit yourself to viewing one screen at a time

Studies report that multi-tasking is a myth.* By focusing our attention on more than one screen or task, we divide our attention rather than multiply it and in the long-term, decrease our ability to concentrate on a single task. So rather than sending an email on your phone while there’s a TV show playing in the background, choose one. Pause your show to send your email, wait to send the email until after your show is done, or walk out of the room to finish your email.

2 - Put your phone away one hour a day and one day a week

The quip, “What is important is seldom urgent, what is urgent is seldom important,” can easily be applied to our phones. Fight back the need to always be in the moment with your phone so that you can be in the moment with the people and places God has you in. You’ll notice the world will keep going on even if you’re away from your phone.

3 - Turn your smartphone into a dumb phone

Business execs are beginning to trade in their smartphones for “dumb phones” that are only capable to text and call in order to be more focused and less distracted. While this may be a viable option for you, consider turning your smartphone into a dumb phone by turning off all notifications on your phone besides text and phone calls.

4 - Create time limits on your apps and browsing

Tech companies are catching onto the long-term numbing effects that screens can have on us. If you have the updated iOs on your iPhone go to Settings, then Downtime. From there set limits on your phone. We’d recommend significantly decreasing the total amount of time you spend on apps that eat away at your time. 

5 - Remove social media apps, use your browser instead

Research shows using your browser for social media networks rather than using their apps decreasing the amount of time you spend on them.

6 - Keep your bedroom free of screens

From a neurological level, what you look at and what you think about right before you go to bed and right when you wake up have significant long-term effects on how you operate - not to mention your sleep. If you use your phone for waking up, buy an alarm clock. If you use your phone to play white noise, turn it on Airplane mode and/or Do Not Disturb so as to avoid notifications overnight.

7 - Leave your phone in the car when you run an errand, with your LifeGroup, and/or with family.

The knee-jerk reaction for many of us when we experience “boredom” is to look at our phone. But to fight for peace, leave your device in a place out of your immediate reach so that you can simply be in the moment. Fight for the pull to always be stimulated by whatever’s on your phone.

8 - Select what you will look at and when you will look at it ahead of time.

Social media apps and streaming services are designed in such a way to maximize the amount of time you spend on them. Algorithms are created specifically catered to your preference in order to consume as much of your time as possible. So rather than conforming to what technology says you should consume through mindless scrolling and binging - earlier in the day select what you will look at and when. If it’s a show or a movie, is there someone you can enjoy it with?

For more practical resources on this, check out the following:

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

The Tech-Wise Family by Andy Crouch

12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You by Tony Reinke

*Read Psychology Today’s “The Myth of Multitasking” and/or Forbes’ "4 Mindfulness Fundamentals To Transform Your Leadership: The Incredible Myth Of Multitasking"

How to Plan a Retreat (For the Good of Your Soul)

Jesus shows us in the Gospels that the place of solitude becomes a place of strength (Matt 4:1-11, Luke 5:16). When we get away from distraction, we discipline ourselves to delight in who God is so that we may be fueled to live out following Jesus in the everyday. One way we develop this quiet inner life is through the practice of retreat/solitude.

When we retreat, we can enjoy God’s creation and set our minds in thankfulness to God our Creator. This requires intentionality and discipline and when we commit to this regularly, we start to become people of peace, not worry.

While both the quantity and quality of retreat/solitude are beneficial for your soul, remember to start out slow. Most people can’t just jump into a weekend-long retreat or a 40-day retreat like Jesus without having cultivating that practice before. So to begin to develop this habit, map out time this week to spend two hours away from distraction to simply rest and enjoy God. Take some time answering the following:

What does it look like for you to retreat? What can you do that will bring you delight in the Lord?

Examples can include jogging, taking a long bath, reading a book, hiking, etc. The point is to simply rest and enjoy.

What distractions might keep you from retreating for those two hours?

Our aim in this is to be with God, to direct our minds upwards while we enjoy His good gifts. We’d recommend limiting your screen usage or leaving your phone somewhere else during this time. (For tips on this, go to “How to Manage Your Screen Time.”

If you have kids, talk with your spouse to take shifts when each of you will go on a micro-retreat this week. Reach out to someone in LifeGroup to see if they can watch your kids for a couple of hours so you can spend time resting in Jesus on your own.

When can you put that in place? 

The more specific the better.

Who do you need to reach out to make sure this happens?

We’re called to be a people who follow Jesus together which means we can’t do this on our own. Share with one or two people in your LifeGroup about your plans to get away for a bit. Share with them your potential barriers and distractions. Have them hold you accountable.

After you completed it, what did you notice?

Reflect on your experience. Thank the Lord that He has wired you to rest. Did you find your mind going to places of distraction on your retreat? Why is that? Take that to the Lord.

How can you make retreating a sustainable practice?

When’s the next time you can retreat again? Based on your micro-retreat, how would you modify your plan to further enjoy God and His good gifts? To cultivate and strengthen this discipline, how might you extend your retreat even longer next time?

How to Cultivate Generosity

Jesus tells us where our treasures go, our hearts will follow. (Matt. 6:21)

Whereas discontentment is counting what you don’t have, generosity reverse-engineers our hearts to count what we do have. When we see everything as a gift from God, we begin to become people marked by gratitude and generosity, freeing us from the lie that the good life is found in more.

As a church family, we want to press into generosity as an overflow of our gratitude but like anything in the Christian life, it requires discipline.

Look at the list below and consider how you might grow in thankful generosity to God’s kingdom and God’s people.*

1 - Create a “spontaneous generosity” line item in your monthly budget

Set aside some money once a month with the sole purpose of giving it away - whether that means using it to pay for someone’s meal, throw a party to build with others, give someone a gift, help meet a need, etc. If you don’t spend all of the money that month, roll it over into the next month to allow more opportunities to be spontaneously generous. (If you need help budgeting your finances, check out our resources at FollowingJesusTogether.com/generosity)

2 - Support a Serve The City partnership organization in our city

As a Jesus-centered family on mission, we want to make efforts to love and care for our city. One way we do this is through our Serve the City partnerships where we come alongside a number of organizations already helping the most vulnerable and marginalized people groups in our city and ask how we can help. For a list of our partnerships, go to midtowncolumbia.com/servethecity

3 - Support a church planter or missionary

Jesus’ plan to fully bring his kingdom here on earth is through disciples being made and churches getting planted. As a church, we want to corporately and individually support church planting efforts to make Jesus’ vision a reality. To give to a church planter, go to PlantGrassroots.com

4 - Increase your % to your local church

For our church, we want 10% to be the starting point of our generosity. And because Jesus is after our hearts when we give, we want to constantly assess our finances to see if we can free up more money so we can be more invested in Jesus’ kingdom. To increase your giving to a Midtown church, click which church you are a part of - Downtown, Two Notch, Lexington.

*First, if you’re not giving 10% regularly to your local church, let this be the starting point of your generosity. If you need help budgeting to make giving 10% a reality or want to know why we start at 10% go to FollowingJesusTogether.com/generosity

Becoming a Person Who Enjoys Doing What Others Need (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)

Serving reminds us there’s joy in making decisions that benefit others even if we don’t feel like it. Life is best spent when spent on others, but to develop this attitude, it requires self-discipline - rarely does it come spontaneously. 

To press into this practice of serving, take some time meditating on the verses below. After that take some time mapping out how you might serve others you might otherwise not serve to do something you might otherwise not do. Once completed, pray for the resolve to do what you planned and trust that God by His Spirit will use these opportunities to slowly shape you into becoming a person who enjoys doing what others need. 

Philippians 2:2-4

complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Luke 6:32-33

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.

For ideas to serve others, consider partnering with a STC ministry

For more ideas, check out your church’s Sunday and weekly serving opportunities

MidtownDowntown.com/serve

MidtownLexington.com/serve

MidtownTwoNotch.com/serve

Cultivating a Deeper Heart of Worship

We love watching people get baptized at our church proclaiming that Jesus is King. We watch them physically get into a pool, get baptized in water, rise up declaring they were dead in sin, and now alive in Christ. They were covered in sin, but are now washed clean. 

This is not an uncommon idea in the Scriptures. God commands us to do with our bodies things that reflect and enact internal reality He’s working in our spirit. 

Baptism is one example. 

Communion is another. Jesus could have said, “As often as you think of me, imagine bread broken that represents my body and wine that represents my blood.” But He didn’t say that. He said, “Take and eat. Drink. Physically remember with your body that I am your portion, your fill, your satisfaction. That my body broken and blood poured for you is just as vital for life as food and drink are to your body.”

Confession is another. When it comes to faith, God could have said just believe in me. That’s all. But that’s not what the Scripture says. Romans 10:9 - “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” 

The Psalms are full of commands and descriptions of responding with our bodies:

Psalm 95:6

Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!

 Psalm 134:2

Lift up your hands…  and bless the Lord!

 Psalm 149:3

Let them praise his name with dancing,

Psalm 5:7

Through the abundance of your steadfast love, I will enter your house. I will bow down toward your holy temple in reverence.

The point is what we do with our bodies matters because we are embodied spirits. We all know this and have a category for this in all kinds of negative commands. Don’t murder. Don’t steal. Don’t commit adultery. 

But we don’t always have a good working category for the positive commands - to use your body to shape your internal world. 

Sometimes this can be hard or feel weird for us because we’re worried about authenticity and not doing anything that doesn’t feel right. 

But it’s not only that external responses to internal reality - although they do often serve as that - it’s that our external responses help shape our internal reality. Our obedience to respond in these ways isn’t only always “inside-out” in that, we only ever respond from what we feel happening internally. Often times, we are called to respond externally first, to help us learn to respond internally on a heart level. 

So when we take communion, we are physically/externally responding to a spiritual reality. We take the bread and wine, ask God to help us remember, and believe. It’s both a response to an internal heart level change and an opportunity to cultivate that heart as well. 

Jesus tells us when we’re stuck in materialism and lack generosity, we should give as an act of obedience. Obedience with our bodies helps us cultivate a more generous heart because we are embodied spirits - our hearts and our bodies move together. 

One translation of Psalm 34:1 - I will praise the Lord no matter what happens. Not just when I’m feeling it. But no matter what. 

We know we shouldn’t strike out in violence even if we do feel like it. And in the same way, we should sing and rejoice even if we don’t feel like it. 

Below are a few ways we can use our bodies to cultivate a deeper heart posture of worship:

1 - Lifting Hands

Psalm 134:2

Lift up your hands…  and bless the Lord!

By lifting up our hands we’re saying - “God, I need you. My hands are empty. I need your grace. I need you to provide for me. I need your presence even if I don’t believe it right now in this moment. Help me push back against the unreality that you are distant from me.”

2 - Laying or Kneeling

One-hundred and thirty-one times in the Bible people are described or commanded to kneel or lay down and lie prostrate before God. If I had to guess this isn’t a common posture that we have, but if we read the Bible, it’s a position that we will find ourselves in when we meet Jesus. (Such passages include Ps. 22:28-29, Ps. 22:27, Ps. 29:2, Ps. 45:11, Ps 66:4, Ps. 72:11, Ps. 86:9, Ps 95:6, Ps 96:9, Ps 99:5).

This was the response when someone came into the presence of royalty or a King. This is, and will be, the involuntary reaction to being in the presence of God. 

We don’t kneel - because we are so humble, but because we want to become humble. We move our bodies into positions of lowliness in order to cultivate an inward reality of humility.

3 -  Dancing, Shouting, and Clapping

The final song in the Psalter is one of pure joy and celebration. It’s an anthem fit for the King:

Psalm 150

Praise the Lord!

Praise God in his sanctuary;

praise him in his mighty heavens

Praise him for his mighty deeds;

praise him according to his excellent greatness!

Praise him with trumpet sound;

praise him with lute and harp!

Praise him with tambourine and dance;

praise him with strings and pipe!

Praise him with sounding cymbals;

praise him with loud clashing cymbals!

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord!

As you read the passage, notice the responses. We praise through dance. We praise by getting loud. We praise with every breath of our being. And the call of Ps 34:1 is to get after this type of worship even when you don’t feel like it. We let our bodies help shape our hearts.

Why Do We Take Two Weeks Off Around Christmas?

For two weeks around Christmas our office is closed and we do not have any Gatherings. We do this for a few reasons:

1. To give the leaders in our church family a break. It takes a huge group of people to pull off three churches and 4 gatherings each and every Sunday. From Host teams to production teams to Kidtown workers, there are hundreds of man-hours involved on a weekly basis. We want these volunteers to continue to see their service as a blessing and not a burden, and sometimes a break is very helpful in that regard.

2. To allow pastors and staff to rest. Dropout rates amongst pastors are startlingly high due to the weight and constant pressure they experience. A pastor’s job is never done because people are never done, and there are always more people who need Jesus. Being a pastor is as much a way of life as it is a job, and there are always things to be thinking about, people to be praying for, things to study, and opportunities to research. Having a couple of weeks off gives our pastors time to attempt to only think about enjoying time with their families and friends as they celebrate the incarnation of Jesus. We hope to see our current pastors continue being pastors for the next 30 years, and if a short break is helpful then we are delighted to do so.

3. To remind us all that church is not a once a week gathering, but rather a community of people unified around Christ and his mission. One of the great failures of the church in America is that we have reduced our idea of ‘church’ to an event we attend. In our experience-oriented culture there is no shortage of consumer Christians who are simply looking for the best ‘worship experience’ to call their church. We hope to consistently push against this, and this is one particular way that has proven helpful. Even when we do not gather, we are the covenant people of God committed to the mission of God. Our Gatherings do not define us or make us, Jesus does. We hope you enjoy Christmas by taking some time to meditate on Jesus’ holy, missional, and sacrificial birth which leads to His holy, missional, and sacrificial death on the cross to atone for our sins. Please use these weeks to drink some eggnog, worship Jesus, and leverage time with your friends and family to be the church and push back the darkness in Columbia (or wherever your travels take you).

Creating an Advent Wreath for Under $5

Courtney Gibson is part of a Lifegroup with 25 children under the age of 10. Below is her step-by-step experience creating miniature Advent Wreaths with her LifeGroup.

Last year our LifeGroup decided to make Advent Wreaths for each family to have in their home. We found it very cost-effective to buy the materials in bulk and then split them among the families. Each family pitched in $5 and then our LifeGroup leader purchased all supplies ahead of our Advent Wreath making time. All of our supplies were purchased at Dollar General and Hobby Lobby.

 The materials we purchased were:

1.     hard plastic disposable dessert plates

2.     miniature garland

3.     4 extra small candles

4.     1 small candle

5.     purple ribbon

6.     pink ribbon

7.     cardboard gift tags

When we gathered for our Advent Wreath time, we started by explaining to the children in our group the purpose of the wreath. (This year, you can use the script found in the Letter to Parents in our Advent Guide Introduction.)

 First, each family received a dessert plate and took turns hot gluing the greenery around the edge of the plate. Several adults brought hot glue guns so this step went quickly!

 Next, each family received 4 smaller candles. While often in Advent Wreaths there are three pink candles (to represent penance) and one purple candle (to represent joy), that didn’t fit into our budget…so we opted to tie purple string around 3 of the candles and a pink string around the 4th. We used little gift labels to write out what each candle represented: hope, peace, joy, love.

 After the ribbons with labels had been tied to each of the smaller candles, each family received a larger “Christ” candle to place in the center of the plate.  

Though certainly not extravagant, this simple Advent wreath has become a treasure and our family can’t wait to use it again this year! (And because our candles did not burn for very long, we are even able to use the same candles this year!)

 We found there to be something very unifying about visiting each other’s homes throughout the Advent season and seeing each other’s wreaths displayed on the kitchen table. Whatever supplies you end up using, or whatever creative spin you end up taking, I certainly encourage you to get a group of friends or Lifegroup members together and take time to create Advent wreaths together that will serve as markers throughout the season as together we anticipate the coming of our Savior.

Holiday Events In and Around Our City

Holiday House Tours

Dates: November 22nd-January 5th 

Time: Check website for tour times based on day of the week

Cost: $15 per person

Location: Robert Mills House

Details: See a variety of holiday decorations and experience past traditions at the Robert Mills House and Hampton-Preston Mansion. Admission includes a guided tour of both properties. 

https://www.historiccolumbia.org/events/2019/2019-11/holiday-house-tours-begin 

Lights Before Christmas

Dates: November 23-December 30th (Closed Mondays, Tuesdays, Christmas Day)

Time: 5-9pm

Cost: $12 adults/$10 children (ages 2-12)

Location: Riverbanks Zoo and Garden

Details: Check out the nearly one million twinkling lights, decorative images, and Animated Story Tree. Experience the Holly Jolly Christmas Parade. Meet Santa. Enjoy holiday treats around the Jingle Bell Bonfire.  

https://www.riverbanks.org/events/lights-before-christmas 

Hollow Creek Tree Farm (Gilbert)

Dates: November 24th-December 17th 

Time: 9am-5:30pm

Location: Gilbert, SC

Details: Come see over 12 varieties of Christmas tree and pick out the perfect one for your home. Free hot chocolate served daily. Free hay rides on weekends!

https://www.hollowcreektreefarm.com 

Holiday Lights on the River

Dates: November 27th-December 31st 

Time: 6-10pm

Cost: $20 per car

Location: Saluda Shoals 

Details: Experience the magic as Saluda Shoals comes alive in a blaze of more than 1 million sparkling lights. For nominal fees: ride the Saluda Shoals park train, slide on the Winter Wonder tube slide, Stroll the wetland trail and enjoy a laser light show, make a craft, roast marshmallows, visit Santa (December 14-23rd only)  

https://www.icrc.net/event/holiday-lights-river-115 

Winter Wonderland (Lexington)

Dates: November 29th-December 30th 

Time: Check store hours online 

Cost: Free! (drinks and holiday treats available for purchase)

Location: Second Wave Coffee and Books 

Details: Second Wave Coffee and Books is an Arc of the Midlands employment initiative that provides employment opportunities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Set along a creek with plenty of outdoor space, kids and adults alike will enjoy sharing a treat while exploring the Winter Wonderland filled with artificial snow and outdoor games! 

https://www.facebook.com/SecondWaveCoffeeBooks/ 

Rudolph’s Winter Review

Dates: November 30th, December 7th, 14th, 21st 

Cost: $7 per person 

Location: Columbia Marionette Theater 

Details: This brand new variety show features musical numbers and showcases different puppetry styles. 

https://cmtpuppet.org/shows/rudolphs-winter-revue/ 

Light Up NOMA Cookie Crawl

Dates: December 5th

Cost: $15

Location: North Main Street

Details: Receive a professionally designed cookie tin and crawl to nine locations to pick up freshly baked holiday cookies. The Cookie Crawl is in conjunction with the Light Up NOMA district-wide event occurring Thursday December 5th, 6-9pm, in the heart of the North Main District. NOMA will officially kick-off the holiday season. Merchants will open their doors and offer samplings of products, show off their goods and invite the public in for a festive evening. The NOMA tree will be lit at 7:00PM at the corner of Confederate and Main Street along with stage performances by local students from the various schools.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/light-up-noma-cookie-crawl-tickets-7313196969?ref=eios

Snowball Festival Weekend (Lexington)

Dates: December 5th-8th

Cost: Free! 

Location: Downtown Lexington 

• December 5th: Christmas Craft Fair (4-8pm; Icehouse Amphitheater)

• December 6th: Tree Lighting & Carnival in the Square (6-8pm)

• December 7th: Movie at Ice House: Rudolf (6-9pm; Icehouse Amphitheater) 

• December 8th: Christmas Parade (3pm; Main Street)

Details: Be a part of the official start of the holiday season in the Town of Lexington! Friday night events in the square will include face painting, visits with Santa and Mrs. Claus, holiday treats, a concert, a caricature artist, and the lighting of the Christmas tree. 

http://www.lexingtonsc.org/community-event/snowball-festival-Tree-Lighting-Movie-Christmas-Parade 

Midtown Milestones Family Night: Christmas Game Night

Date: December 6th 

Time: 6-8pm

Cost: Free!

Location: Midtown Fellowship (1800 Blanding Street)

Details: Come kick of the holiday season and participate in minute-to-win-it style games. This Family Fun night is a great opportunity to invite neighbors and friends! 

https://midtowndowntown.com/events/christmas-game-night 

The Living Christmas Story Drive-Thru Pageant (Irmo)

Dates: December 6th-8th 

Times: 6:30-9pm (cars line up early!) 

Location: Union United Methodist Church 

Details: Drive through a recreated street of ancient Bethlehem in Irmo complete with angels, shepherds, shop keepers, Roman soldiers, and those present at the first Christmas.

http://unionunitedmethodist.org/?fbclid=IwAR3wpDWRHpINqtFIndXZn0d1LjMJ8F1cjgaVoUOdhcFjp_efv_KRPjXBTIs 

A Christmas Story (Lexington)

Dates: December 6-15th 

Cost: $18 adults; $14 youth 

Location: Village Square Theatre 

Details: All the elements from the motion picture are in in this stage production of the beloved cinema classic

http://www.villagesquaretheatre.com/season.html  

Twilight Train (Winnsboro)

Dates: December 6th, 7th, 13th, 14th, 20th, 21st 

Time: 5:30pm

Cost: $20 per person 

Location: South Carolina Railroad Museum 

Details: This night time excursion is a Santa, hot chocolate, and cookie special. Enjoy holiday treats, stories, sing-a-longs, and visits with Santa. Pajamas are encouraged but not required. Tickets went on sale November 1st and fill up fast, so if you’re interested, book now! 

https://www.scrm.org/ride-the-train/ 

Cradle to Cross Race Series

Date: December 7th 

Time: 9:15am

Cost: $10

Location: Union United Methodist Church 

Details: This first race of a 2-part series is a 1-mile race that takes you through a re-created street of ancient Bethlehem in Irmo, SC complete with angels, shepherds, Roman soldiers, and those present at the first Christmas. There will also be a ¼ mile race for children under 5. 

https://runsignup.com/Race/SC/Irmo/CradletoCross 

Carolina Carillon Holiday Parade

Date: December 7th 

Time: 9:45am 

Cost: Free!

Location: Sumter Street toward the Horseshoe and ending on Senate Street 

Details: Grab a spot along the parade route to view the 66th annual parade featuring festive holiday entries from all across the state. 

http://www.carolinacarillon.com 

Backyard Christmas Market (West Columbia)

Date: December 7th 

Time: 9am-3pm

Location: Our Savior Lutheran Church 

Details: What started as a small craft fair in Midtown members Jen and Reese Landers’ backyard has grown into a great opportunity to knock out some holiday shopping and support local artists all selling their handmade goods! There will also be live music throughout the day. 

Midtown Women’s Christmas Tea

Date: December 7th 

Time: 10-11:30am

Cost: Free!

Location: Midtown Fellowship (1800 Blanding Street)

Details: Women’s Tea is an event for women across our family of churches to come together for a morning of tea, brunch, and fellowship. Feel free to invite friends and be ready to meet someone new! Childcare available upon request (RSVP by November 30th)

https://midtowndowntown.com/events/womens-christmas-tea-1 

Story Time with Santa

Date: December 7th 

Time: 10-11:30am or 12-1:30pm

Cost: $6 per person 

Location: Seven Oaks Park  

Details: Participants will listen to Santa read his favorite story while they decorate Christmas cookies, sip hot chocolate, and make a holiday craft. Participants and their families can also shop at Santa’s Market Craft Show before or after the event. 

https://www.icrc.net/event/story-time-santa-0 

The Nutcracker (Lexington)

Date: December 7th 

Time: 3pm, 7:30pm

Location: River Bluff Performing Arts Center 

Cost: $15-$20

Details: Former Principal Ballerina for the Columbia City Ballet and owner of Lexington’s Academy of Youth Ballet, Regina Willoughby, brings the beloved Nutcracker to Lexington for the first time ever. The performance lasts 1.5 hours including a 15-minute intermission. (This cast is made up primarily of children and teens)

https://www.showtix4u.com/event-details/34868 

Santa Claus: The Musical

Dates: December 7th, 8th, 14th, 15th 

Cost: $10, Free for children under 3 

Location: Columbia Children’s Theatre 

Details: A hilarious musical adventure to find Santa’s replacement 

https://www.columbiachildrenstheatre.com/santa-claus-the-musical 

Santa Train (Winnsboro)

Dates: December 7th, 14th, 21st

Time: 10am, 11am, 12pm, 2pm, 3pm

Cost: $15 per person (children under 2 are free if they sit on a parent’s lap) 

Location: South Carolina Railroad Museum 

Details: Enjoy the scenery as Santa walks the length of the train visiting with passengers and posing for pictures. 

https://www.scrm.org/ride-the-train/ 

Drive-Thru Carolina Holiday Light Show

Dates: December 7th-28th

Time: 6pm-9pm (Mon-Thurs), 6pm-10pm (Fri-Sun)

Cost: Cars - $20, Mini Buses (9-24 passengers) - $35, Vehicles over 25 passengers - $70

Location: South Carolina State Fair

Details: The SC State Fair debuts its first drive-through light show, “Carolina Lights,” at the South Carolina State Fair Grounds December 7th-28th. The drive-through light experience is part of The South Carolina State Fair’s 150th Anniversary and will feature the Twelve Days of Christmas, a dancing field of Christmas trees, a 25-foot tall Frosty with dancing arches, and much more. There will be more than 100 individual LED light displays along a mile-plus stretch in the Lexington Medical Center Fair Park.

https://www.scstatefair.org/carolina-lights

Sounds of Christmas

Dates: December 8th 

Time: 2:30pm, 7pm 

Cost: Free but call to reserve your ticket 

Location: Shandon Baptist 

Details: Ring in the Christmas season with a special musical event featuring a 100+ person choir accompanied by a thirty-piece orchestra. Children are welcome to attend the performance. 

https://shandon.org/event/1655534-2019-12-08-sounds-of-christmas/ 

Holly Jolly Hollywood

Dates: December 8th (White Christmas), December 12th (This Christmas), December 15th (It’s a Wonderful Life), December 21st (Home Alone), December 24th (Miracle on 34th Street)

Cost: $11 adults, $5 kids 12 and under 

Location: The Nickelodeon 

Details: The Nick is screening favorite holiday classics alongside new and exciting picks. 

https://nickelodeon.org/series/hjh/ 

PJ’s with Santa

Date: December 9th 

Time: 6pm-8pm

Location: Chick-fil-a Bush River Road

Details: Enjoy dinner, festive fun, and pictures with Santa

https://www.facebook.com/events/764083594025553/ 

Breakfast with Santa:

Date: December 14th 

Time: 8am, 9am, 10am 

Location: Robert Mills House and Gardens

Cost: $20 adult, $10 youth, Free for kids 3 and under 

 Details: Enjoy breakfast with Santa, make holiday crafts, explore the decorated halls of the Hampton-Preston Mansion, and see a Victorian Christmas tree. 

https://www.historiccolumbia.org/events/2019/2019-12/breakfast-santa 

Candlelight Tours and Carriage Rides:

Date: December 14th 

Times: 5:30-9pm 

Cost: $15 adult, $8 youth; carriage ride is additional $10 per person 

Location: Robert Mills House and Gardens

Details: Enjoy live music with the Columbia Choral Society, children’s activities, and hot chocolate while celebrating the holidays with Historic Columbia. Before or after your house tour, take a carriage or wagon ride through the Robert Mills Historic District. Stop by the Gift Shop’s Holiday Open House for refreshments, holiday tunes, and giveaways. Other holiday vendors will be onsite beginning at 4pm

https://www.historiccolumbia.org/events/2019/2019-12/candlelight-tours-carriage-rides 

Holiday Parade of Lights (West Columbia)

Date: December 14th

Time: 7:30pm

Location: 12th Street, Cayce, and West Columbia 

Details: Come grab a viewing spot for the Greater Cayce-West Columbia Holiday Parade of Lights. 

https://www.facebook.com/events/733588447158588/ 

Columbia City Ballet’s Nutcracker

Dates: December 14th, 15th, 21st, 22nd

Time: 3pm, 7:30pm

Location: Koger Center 

Cost: $22-54

Details: Come enjoy Columbia’s longest consecutively running annual arts event. If you attend a matinee performance, you can meet the dancers after the show and take a backstage tour! 

http://columbiacityballet.com/production/nutcracker/ 

Columbia City Ballet’s Nutcracker Tea Party

Dates: December 14th, 15th, 21st

Time: 1:30-2:30pm

Location: Koger Center Ballroom

Cost: $30 per person

Details: This magical afternoon features a sit-down tea, an abundance of treats, children’s crafts, and meet and greets with the cast of the Nutcracker. 

http://columbiacityballet.com/production/nutcracker/ 

Midtown Downtown Christmas Gathering

Date: December 22nd 

Time: 10am

Location: Midtown Fellowship (1800 Blanding Street)

Details: This family-friendly Sunday morning gathering will be a time of celebration and reflection as we conclude our giv series. Starting at 9:30am, there will be treats and activities for everyone to enjoy. 

Midtown Christmas Eve Candlelight Service

Date: December 24th 

Time: 7pm

Location: Midtown Fellowship (1800 Blanding Street)

Details: The hour-long service will include singing Christmas songs, reading the story of Jesus’s birth, and lighting candles in celebration of Jesus Christ. Hot chocolate will be served before. Children are encouraged to wear their pajamas. 

https://midtowndowntown.com/events/candlelight-gathering-x59zr 

Following Jesus Together: Practices Guide

Following Jesus together means we want to be a people who hear the words of Jesus and do what He says - to commit ourselves to “the process of being made in the image of Christ for the sake of others.” As we hear and do the practices of Jesus, we find out it’s not about doing more, it’s about doing less. It’s about reorienting the entirety of our lives slowly around the person of Jesus as He makes you more like Him.

This guide walks you through how to assimilate the practices of Jesus in our everyday lives. You can follow the instructions below and/or download the worksheet here (Google Doc | PDF)

Practice

What specific practice are you wanting to grow in? (i.e. Generosity, Sabbathing, Reading the Bible, etc)

What verse(s) comes to mind that prompts you to obey?

Resistances

What are the internal and external barriers keeping you from fully incorporating this practice into your life? If it’s a lack of motivation, take this to the Lord - it’s important to remember that while our feelings are important, we don’t let them dictate our obedience. If it’s a lack of training, go to FollowingJesusTogether.com for resources.

Season of Life

What are legitimate barriers and limitations that might keep you from practicing this?

Plan

In light of barriers and limitations, how can you do this practice regularly? Try to set a S.M.A.R.T. goal (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely). When starting a new practice it’s important to start small and give yourself the freedom to fail often - it will probably get harder before it gets easier and that’s ok. If need be, tweak your plan to make it work for you. If you’re regularly walking this practice, how can you modify it to further pursue growth and/or who in your life can you teach this practice to?

People

Who are the people who love Jesus and love you that can consistently hold you accountable to your plan? How would you like them to hold you accountable (be specific)?

Below is a sample guide filled out.

Making the Most of Your Time: How to Use a Time Audit

“Sow a thought, reap an action. Sow an action, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.” - Stephen Convey

One of the biggest obstacles keeping us from following Jesus together is how we manage our time. And the reality is we live in a world chock-full of distraction that keeps us cultivating an emotionally healthy spiritual life. To think of Stephen Convey’s quote another way - how we use our time, shapes our schedules. How we use our schedules, shapes our habits. How we use our habits, shapes us into we’re becoming. Who we’re becoming, shapes our eternity.

We often say, “If only we had a few more minutes here.” “If only I had an extra day there.” And yet, following Jesus isn’t about doing more things - it’s taking a holistic view of your life and prioritizing it around what matters most - around the teachings and practices of Jesus. When we do this we discover it’s not about doing more, it’s about doing less. And as we eliminate things to prioritize around Jesus, we begin to become people of peace.

To do your time audit, print this out (Google doc | PDF) and begin by filling in the “big rocks” in your schedule -

1 - when you sleep

2 - when you go to work

3 - when you go to church events - Sunday Gatherings, LifeGroup rhythms

From there assess - what else goes into the time you have leftover? 

To help you keep track with where your time went, use the following tools

1 - Look at your calendar over the last week, then fill out your time audit document accordingly.

2 - If you have an iPhone go to your Settings, then Screen Time, then See All Activity. Fill out when in your time audit document when you are most likely to spend time on your phone.

After you chart out your time as best you can ask yourself, How were those things forming you? Were they necessary for rest, abiding with Jesus, nurturing relationships? Once you asses your week, eliminate the things that are keeping you from following Jesus. In place of that, begin substituting them with helpful practices. You can find ideas on FollowingJesusTogether.com

• As you worked through your audit, was there anything surprising to you?

• What’s one thing you remove this week and replace with helpful spiritual practices?

What is Breath Prayer?

Breath prayer is another way to practice abiding with Jesus dating as far back as the sixth century. As the name suggests, this simple practice focuses on saying a short quiet prayer - usually less than 6-8 syllables long and said in a single breath -  to help fix your mind on God. Practitioners of breath prayer often find it helpful to repeat the same prayer a number of times over until their mind is at rest, undistracted, and grounded on the presence of God and His Word. This prayer can be done in an undistracted place to help you focus and/or can be done throughout the day whenever you need to be reminded of God’s presence and truth.

 This tool is a great way to focus on one thought, one verse, one sentence, one phrase, or one attribute of God that helps you set your mind on Him. You can write your own breath prayer to fit what you need from the Lord by picking a name of God that draws you near to Him (Father, Jesus, Spirit, Abba, Dad, Lord) and asking what you need in as few words as possible (help, peace, rest, joy). Below are sample breath prayers to help you get started.

 Sample breath prayers:

Father, thank you for your love.

Abba, thank you for your goodness.

God, give me peace.

Spirit, guide me.

Jesus, give me patience.

Spirit, give me strength.

Father, give me wisdom.

God, I need a Savior and that’s not me.

Jesus, be my refuge.

Lord, help my unbelief.

Related resources:

What is Examen Prayer?

What is Lectio Divina?

How to Study the Bible

Common Ways to Live in Unreality

The following is based on the sermon “David’s Inner Life” from the Life of David sermon series.

Much of our inner lives are reactions to our perceptions of the world.  So we perceive things to be a particular way, we react to them, and that reaction affects what goes on inside of us. But here’s the problem: Our perceptions can be reality or unreality. The language that psychologists often use to talk about these perceptions based on unreality is “cognitive distortions.” Cognitive Distortions as Dr. John Grohol puts it, are “ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true.”

The following are common cognitive distortions people believe. (These lists were pulled directly from articles in Psychology Today and PsychCentral.) As you read through this list, which of these can you relate to? What truths about God do you need to remind yourself of in order to ground yourself in reality?

1. Filtering

A person engaging in filter (or “mental filtering) takes the negative details and magnifies those details while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted. When a cognitive filter is applied, the person sees only the negative and ignores anything positive.

2. Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking)

In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white” — all or nothing. We have to be perfect or we’re a complete and abject failure — there is no middle ground. A person with polarized thinking places people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and most situations. A person with black-and-white thinking sees things only in extremes.

3. Overgeneralization

In this cognitive distortion, a person comes to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens just once, they expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

For instance, if a student gets a poor grade on one paper in one semester, they conclude they are a horrible student and should quit school.

4. Jumping to Conclusions

Without individuals saying so, a person who jumps to conclusions knows what another person is feeling and thinking — and exactly why they act the way they do. In particular, a person is able to determine how others are feeling toward the person, as though they could read their mind. Jumping to conclusions can also manifest itself as fortune-telling, where a person believes their entire future is pre-ordained (whether it be in school, work, or romantic relationships).

For example, a person may conclude that someone is holding a grudge against them, but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example involving fortune-telling is when a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly in their next relationship, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact, so why bother dating.

5. Catastrophizing

When a person engages in catastrophizing, they expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as magnifying, and can also come out in its opposite behavior, minimizing. In this distortion, a person hears about a problem and uses what-if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”) to imagine the absolute worst occurring.

For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).

With practice, you can learn to answer each of these cognitive distortions.

6. Personalization

Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to them. They literally take virtually everything personally, even when something is not meant in that way. A person who experiences this kind of thinking will also compare themselves to others, trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.

A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused everyone to have a terrible time. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”

7. Control Fallacies

This distortion involves two different but related beliefs about being in complete control of every situation in a person’s life. In the first, if we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.”

The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”

8. Fallacy of Fairness

In the fallacy of fairness, a person feels resentful because they think that they know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with them. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel resentful, angry, and even hopelessness because of it. Because life isn’t fair — things will not always work out in a person’s favor, even when they should.

9. Blaming

When a person engages in blaming, they hold other people responsible for their emotional pain. They may also take the opposite track and instead blame themselves for every problem — even those clearly outside their own control.

For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

10. Shoulds

Should statements (“I should pick up after myself more…”) appear as a list of ironclad rules about how every person should behave. People who break the rules make a person following these should statements angry. They also feel guilty when they violate their own rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.

For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statements toward others, they often feel anger, frustration, and resentment.

11. Emotional Reasoning

The distortion of emotional reasoning can be summed up by the statement, “If I feel that way, it must be true.” Whatever a person is feeling is believed to be true automatically and unconditionally. If a person feels stupid and boring, then they must be stupid and boring.

Emotions are extremely strong in people and can overrule our rational thoughts and reasoning. Emotional reasoning is when a person’s emotions take over our thinking entirely, blotting out all rationality and logic. The person who engages in emotional reasoning assumes that their unhealthy emotions reflect the way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

12. Fallacy of Change

In the fallacy of change, a person expects that other people will change to suit them if they just pressure or cajole them enough. A person needs to change people because their hopes for success and happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

This distortion is often found in thinking around relationships. For example, a girlfriend who tries to get her boyfriend to improve his appearance and manners, in the belief that this boyfriend is perfect in every other way and will make them happy if they only changed these few minor things.

13. Global Labeling

In global labeling (also referred to as mislabeling), a person generalizes one or two qualities into a negative global judgment about themselves or another person. This is an extreme form of overgeneralizing. Instead of describing an error in the context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy universal label to themselves or others.

For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way — without bothering to understand any context around why — they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.”

Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person who is mislabeling might say that “She abandons her children to strangers.”

14. Always Being Right

When a person engages in this distortion, they are continually putting other people on trial to prove that their own opinions and actions are the absolute correct ones. To a person engaging in “always being right,” being wrong is unthinkable — they will go to any length to demonstrate their rightness.

For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

15. Karma Fallacy

(In the article labeled as Heaven’s Reward Fallacy) A false belief that a person’s sacrifice and self-denial will eventually pay off, as if some global force is keeping score. This is a riff on the fallacy of fairness because in a fair world, the people who work the hardest will get the largest reward. A person who sacrifices and works hard but doesn’t experience the expected pay off will usually feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.

16. Belief that self-criticism is an effective way to motivate yourself toward better future behavior

17. Recognizing feelings as causes of behavior, but not equally attending to how behavior influences thoughts and feelings

For example, you think, “When I have more energy, I’ll exercise” but not, “Exercising will give me more energy.”

18. All or nothing thinking

For example: "If I don’t always get As I’m a complete failure."

19. Basing future decisions on “sunk costs”

For example, investing more money in a business that is losing money because you’ve invested so much already.

20. Delusions

Holding a fixed, false belief, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

21. Assuming your current feelings will stay the same in the future

For example, “I feel unable to cope today; therefore, I will feel unable to cope tomorrow.”

22. Cognitive labeling

For example, mentally labeling your sister’s boyfriend as a “loser” and not being open to subsequent evidence suggesting he isn’t a loser.

23. The Halo Effect

For example, perceiving high calories foods as lower in calories if they’re accompanied by a salad.

24. Minimizing

For example, “Yes, I won an important award—but that still doesn’t really mean I’m accomplished in my field.”

25. Cognitive conformity

Seeing things the way people around you view them. Research has shown that this often happens at an unconscious level.

26. Blaming others

27. Falling victim to the “foot in the door” technique

When someone makes a small request to get a “Yes” answer, then follows up with a bigger request, people are more likely to agree to the big request than if only that request had been made.

28. Falling victim to the “door in the face” technique

When someone makes an outlandish request first, then makes a smaller request, the initial outlandish request makes the smaller request seem more reasonable.

29. Focusing on the amount saved rather than the amount spent

For example, focusing on the amount of a discount rather than on whether you’d buy the item that day at the sale price if it wasn’t listed as on sale.

30. Overvaluing things because they're yours

For instance, perceiving your baby as more attractive or smart than they really are because they're yours, or overestimating the price of your home when you put it on the market because you overestimate the added value of renovations you've made.

31. Repeating the same behavior and expecting different results (or thinking that doubling-down on a failed strategy will start to produce positive results)

For example, expecting that if you nag more, your partner will change. 

32. "I can't change my behavior" (or "I can't change my thinking style")

Instead of telling yourself "I can't," try asking yourself how you could shift your behavior (or thinking style) by just five percent.

33. Failure to consider alternative explanations

Coming up with one explanation for why something has happened and failing to consider alternative, more likely explanations.

34. The self-serving bias 

The self-serving bias is people's tendency to attribute positive events to their own character but attribute negative events to external factors.

35. Attributing strangers' behavior to their character and not considering situational/contextual factors

36. Failure to consider opportunity cost

For example, spending an hour doing a low ROI task and thinking, "It's only an hour" and not considering the lost potential of spending that hour doing a high ROI task.

37. Assumed similarity

The tendency to assume other people hold similar attitudes to your own.

38. In-group bias

The tendency to trust and value people who are like you, or who are in your circle, more than people from different backgrounds.

39. "You don't know what you don't know"

Getting external feedback can help you become aware of things you didn't even know that you didn't know! 

40. The tendency to underestimate how long tasks will take

41. The belief that worry and overthinking will lead to problem-solving insights

In fact, overthinking tends to impair problem-solving ability and can lead to avoidance coping.

42. Biased implicit attitudes

Psychologists use a test called the implicit association test to measure attitudes that people subconsciously hold. Results show that people subconsciously associate "fat" with "lazy," for instance. 

It's useful to be mindful that you may subconsciously hold biased attitudes; then, you can consciously correct for them.

43. The peak-end rule

The tendency to most strongly remember

• how you felt at the end of an experience

• how you felt at the moment of peak emotional intensity during the experience.

Biased memories can lead to biased future decision making.

44. The tendency to prefer familiar things

Familiarity breeds liking, which is part of why people are loyal to certain brands and may pay inflated prices for them instead of switching.

45. The belief you can multi-task

When you're "multitasking," you're actually task- (and attention-) shifting. Trying to focus on more than one goal at a time is self-sabotage.

46. Failure to recognize the cognitive benefits of restorative activities and those that increase positive emotions

For example, seeing humor or breaks as a "waste of time."

47. Positively biased predictions

For example, expecting that if you sign up for a one-year gym membership, you will go—even though this hasn't been the case in the past.

48. Cheating on your goals based on positive behaviors you plan to do later

For example, overeating today if you expect you'll be starting a diet next week. Often, the planned positive behaviors don't happen. 

How to Welcome New People to your Group

Let’s say someone new came to a Sunday Gathering. The speaker made an announcement along the lines of, “We believe the church isn’t a once a week service, it’s a group of people who daily live out the gospel in their community. The way we do this at Midtown is through LifeGroups. So sign up for a LifeGroup!” The person accepted the challenge, signed up for a group, and is now placed in yours! So what’s next? 

As followers of Jesus, we want to warmly welcome new people into our family because Jesus first welcomed us into His. Truth is, our LifeGroups are different from what most people expect and so it’s helpful to explain how our groups work so they can have appropriate expectations.

Here are a few pointers on how to be welcoming and inviting to your new LifeGroup member:

1. Create a welcome committee as a Core Group role.

   The group leader can then forward new member information to the welcome committee. By doing this, we empower others in your group and frees the LifeGroup Leader up to oversee other areas of responsibility in the group. 

2. Appropriately make the first contact:

   • Under 35, try text

   • Over 35, call or email

   • Have a script prepared

3. Plan a one-on-one meet and greet.

   One great way to welcome someone into your life (and LifeGroup) is to go out and grab lunch with them sometime during the week of their first LifeGroup. You can meet with them before their first meeting to highlight what your group does and what their expectations are for a LifeGroup, or after the first LifeGroup meeting once they’ve had a chance to meet you. Either way, the main point is to make them feel welcome and get to know them personally.

4. Tell your story. 

   How did you come to know Jesus? How did you find out about Midtown? What was your initial experience coming around a LifeGroup?

5. Get to know them.

   • What are their interests?

   • Do they have previous church experience? 

   • What do they expect from LifeGroup and how interested are they in LifeGroup?

   • Do they have any leadership potential? 

   • What is their spiritual maturity? Are they a Christian?

6. Pray for them.

7. For the first interaction with the group, consider the best initial setting: rhythm, gathering, or group time.

   We recommend our LifeGroups having three “places” to hangout each week. And don’t worry; it’s not as much time commitment as you think.

   The first hangout time is your weekly group meeting. The second is at a Sunday gathering. The third is a regular “rhythm” that your LifeGroup has to invite others to. This can be a weekly lunch, happy hour, or a farmer's market. We call this your “Third Place”, and it’s a great and easy way invite people into your LifeGroup without inviting them to your weekly meeting, which can be intimidating.

   For the newest member of your group, your Third Place can be a low pressure, fun place where they can just hang out and get to know everyone a little bit better.

8. Narrate everything by explaining what is happening, why it is happening, and how they can benefit from what we are doing. In particular, consider generational gaps and potential areas of confusion. 

   It “may” be difficult for some people to talk about themselves amongst ten people they don’t know. To offset this, make sure you narrate throughout the night why you do what you do with every component - Catch Up on Life, Review the Mission, Scripture and Sermon Discussion and Engage the Heart. If you need help narrating, simply read out loud word-for-word the explanation at the top of each section. Along with this, make sure you and the rest of the LifeGroup give new people the gift of going second by being first to confess sin and share what God’s been teaching you. You may even consider telling first time guests that they have the freedom not to share if they’d rather just be a fly on the wall and observe.

9. Follow up with the new member after the initial hang out.

10. Communicate with Groups Team if they have landed, ghosted, or left.

How to Handle Missing People

Being a part of a LifeGroup means we want to help one another take next steps toward Jesus. This requires grace, truth, time, and energy to help one another grow. But the truth is, we all have so much time and energy, so we need to be wise in how we use our time and who we are investing in.

When it comes to people often missing the LifeGroup, it’s important to remember that we are unable to “force” people to commit. While we want to graciously reach out to see if there’s an issue, our main priority is to build with people who want to build - we want to pursue those who are in. This requires narrating expectations, utilizing the LifeGroup covenant commitments, and frequently discussing them.

Below are some helpful guidelines for how to handle missing people in LifeGroup:

1. Set parameters for the definition of “missing.”

   What are the expectation of attending group time and what are the exceptions? The definition might be different based on various factors like: 

   • How did they get into your group: placed by Group Team, invited by a friend, missional relationship, etc? 

   • How long have they been around? 

   • What stage of life are they in? 

   • What is their church background? 

   • Where are they in the leadership pipeline? 

   • What is their spiritual maturity level? 

2. Seek to understand why he or she is missing.

   Engage Core Group in pursuing answers. 

   • Ask what is their understanding/thoughts on commitment to LifeGroup or the church?

   • Spend time outside of group time

   • Remind them that we are less without them

3. Reach out to a Coach as needed.

4. Appropriately communicate with the group and especially the Core Group. 

5. Inform him/her of his/her removal from the GroupMe and other communication while assuring him/her will be welcomed back.

   Narrate that we want to have room for those who want to be involved

6. Communicate departure with Groups Team (if applicable). Update LifeGroup report 

How to Handle Tragedy

While tragedy can easily happen to any of us when we least expect it, the Bible reminds us that we are not alone. Jesus Himself was acquainted with grief and sorrows (Isaiah 53:3). He is God with us (Matthew 1:23). He loves us and cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). When we remind ourselves of this, we equip ourselves to become the hands and feet of Jesus - to step into others’ grief and serve them in the process (Romans 12:15).

The next time you or someone in the LifeGroup experiences tragedy, follow the steps below:

1. LifeGroup leader reaches out to the LifeGroup, Coach, or pastor as appropriate.

If the leader has a tragedy, the Coach may be more involved 

2. The LifeGroup leader or designated person (Core Group) assesses the need.

As always the main care philosophy is employed, “When in doubt, be there and call your coach.”

3. Gather the group together to pray

Prayer reminds us that all the best plans are ultimately in the sovereign hands of Jesus who loves us and cares for us.

4. Assign a care point person to stay connected to the person(s):

• Keeping the LifeGroup up-to-date.

• Communication of needs of those affected. 

• Weekly contact and appropriate follow-up. 

5. Assigning the right person to handle logistics:

• Meal Train

• Transportation

• Childcare

• Funeral arrangements

• Visits

• Communication that includes (or not) the person experiencing tragedy

6. Help the person grieve

• Connect with others who have gone through a similar experience

• Set up counseling

7. Remember the event long-term

• Set reminders on a calendar (weeks, months, and recurring yearly)

• Care point person follow up on counseling and care

• Group send encouragement

• Encourage the person to process as needed with the group

• Consider significant holidays that may affect the person

How to Lead a Core Group

One of the primary roles of the LifeGroup Leader is to develop the Core Group. This is a multiplication of leadership for the growth and health of everyone. Having a developed Core Group benefits the group and the leader as follows:

• It enables the LifeGroup Leader to empower others and help them grow as they carry more weight. 

• There is increased buy-in from more people in the group and more people are equipped to positively influence the culture and health of the group.

• A Core Group is the basis for future multiplication because it is the beginning step for developing future leaders.

• Empowering others also lightens the load of leadership as the leader distributes responsibilities. A lighter load helps with the longevity of leadership.  Below is the ideal organizational structure for Core Groups divvying out responsibilities to maximize missional and care efforts.

Below is how you can help lead and develop your LifeGroup to become a healthy Core Group:

1. Encourage members to take the 201: LifeGroup Class and become an official Core Group Member.

   Make specific invitations and narrate its importance for their personal growth and for the health of the group. 

2. Distribute LifeGroup Roles to all Core Group Members and narrate why you are giving them that role based on personality tests and giftedness. 

3. Regularly communicate with your Core Group. 

   • Create a separate GroupMe for Core Group members to communicate regularly. 

   • Sync up monthly or at least quarterly to celebrate growth, to evaluate the health of the group, to discuss major issues, to review the covenant, to redistribute roles, to discuss multiplication plans and any next steps for the next 6 months. 

   • Plan a yearly core group retreat to get away with your Core Group. The goal of the retreat should be primarily relational (making memories and group bonding), but also include spiritual development. 

4. Write, evaluate and rewrite the LifeGroup covenant every 6 months or at least once per year.

   This is an effort to maintain the right culture and expectations for your group. 

How to Correct and Confront Individual Sin

Do you enjoy confrontation? Few people do. Confrontation is hard because it exposes many fears and insecurities we’d rather not address, but we are called to graciously confront each other to prevent sin from causing further damage. Because we know the devastating effects of sin, we are called to be ministers of reconciliation- which means loving others the way Jesus has loved us (2 Corinthian 5:16-21, 1 John 1:7).  

Here are some practical steps to effectively and graciously confront each other. 

Steps

1. Find Scriptural evidence that directly confronts the behavior, attitude or action. (We want to make sure it is not just a preference issue or different personality)

2. Pray about the issue.

   Pray about your heart. Pray for their heart Separate your hurt feelings or annoyances and humble yourself.

3. Involve your Core Group and give your Coach a heads up that you plan to confront the sin.

4. Set up a time to meet one on one with the person

5. Prepare some open-ended questions to explore the underlying issues.

6. Begin the conversation with encouragement, love, and relationship building

   • “I love that you bring __________ to our group”

   • “I have seen God doing __________ in your life”

   • “I appreciate your friendship because __________”

7. Explain what a blind spot is and how they can be dangerous and that it is good, gracious, and loving to have people point them out

8. Cite a specific example of the sin in question.

   • Name an explicit event or comment and ask if they remember it.

   • Explain what was perceived and why it is concerning.

   • Share scripture and give them a chance to respond.

   • Ask clarifying questions.

9. Communicate that you care more about their heart than their actions and that you care for them.

   • If they agree about their sin, discuss what repentance looks like and help them think through their next steps 

   • If they disagree about their sin, reiterate your love and follow up with your Coach about next steps. Continue to pray and reflect

Why is it good?

• Sin kills us and separates us from God and other people.

• We have all been separated from God, but He saved us out of the bondage of sin, reconciling us to Himself and freeing us to an abundant life.

• We are compelled to be ministers of reconciliation, loving others as He has loved us, which includes confronting the sin.

How to Deal with Difficult People that Affect Group Dynamics

While it’s our aim that most members of the group help create a healthy group dynamic, this person seems to be doing just the opposite. So we’re left wondering what we’re supposed to do, and our selfishness tempts us to exclude and view them as a problem. However, God calls us to care for them, trusting that He will create good things out of a challenging situation. In Luke 6:32-33 Jesus challenges his followers to do the same, saying:

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? “

If we trust God and strive to do his will even when we don’t want to, God will use these challenging situations to shape us to be new creations, made in the image of Jesus. With the help of other LifeGroup members and Core Group members, your LifeGroup can grow by accepting every member in spite of their sin and extending grace to them, in the same way Jesus extends grace to you. 

With the help of some practical steps, you can care for each other as God intended us to care for each other as brothers and sisters in Christ:

1. Identify the difficult behavior:

   1. Insecure - does not share due to fear or shame

   2. Oversharers - lacking in self-awareness and limits others participation

   3. Challengers - can dominate and control 

   4. Disengaged - spiritually or mentally apathetic 

   5. Actively sinning/unrepentant

   6. Etc. 

2. Pray to see your own biases, areas of weakness, and weakness within the group.

   Is their difficult behavior prompting in you a sinful reaction like bitterness, anger, or cynicism? Consider Matt 7:1-5. Before you speak with them, examine your heart.

3. Pray for the person and show love towards them.

   Prayer surrenders control to God and builds unity. As you continue to pray, the Lord will build your affection for them. Pray for them for more time than you will confront them.

   C.S. Lewis’s words are helpful here:

   “Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”

   In other words - are you having a hard time loving them? Act as though you do and generally, your feelings will catch up.

   Similarly, in her memoir, Thérèse of Lisieux describes her way of dealing with difficult people, calling it “the Little Way.” Basically, she made it a practice that if there was anyone who annoyed her, to intentionally go out of her way to approach them, with a warm smile on her face, and engage in conversation. In this, she saw that Jesus was using such people in her life to teach her more about her need for grace and less about her need to “fix” the other person.

4. Discuss with some Core Group members.

   Engaging Core Group guides them towards leadership and knowing how to respond to similar situations in the future. 

   • Do they notice the problem, and do they have any potential solutions?

   • Are there any Core Group members who are thinking and acting sinfully towards them? If so, direct them to pt. 2 and 3.

   • Who is (are) the best person(s) to meet with the difficult person? 

5. Prepare for a one-on-one meeting with the person. Anticipate and prepare for resistance and confrontation. Contact Coach if needed.

   • Recognize this is a discipleship opportunity. Showing people where they have a challenge can help it become a strength.

     • “I love you and I want Jesus for you, and because of that, I want to bring something to your attention that you may not be aware of.”

   •  Use direct communication to identify the specific behavior and its negative impact on the group.  

     • “When you do _______, my perception is ______”

   • Give them specific steps to help them grow in this area.

     • “I would ask moving forward you do ________. What are your thoughts on this?

   • Redirect and redeem their weaknesses. Meaning, affirm what is good and redirect the good for the benefit of the group. 

     • “I’m thankful for you, and I’m glad you’re in our group. Again, I want Jesus for you and your relationship with Jesus is more important than our friendship, so thank you for taking the time to listen to me.”

6. Follow up as needed. 

   Gracious follow-through shows genuine care.

Leveraging LifeGroup Guides for Mission

Let’s admit it. Talking about “mission” can be intimidating. As soon as it’s brought up, we picture awkward conversations and blank stares.

As followers of Jesus, we want to be faithful witnesses and be normal around other people. Most of us probably wish that conversations centered around Jesus flowed naturally and often. 

But the reality is, you’re getting trained on this every week.

Our LifeGroups Guides, in part, equip you to see Jesus in the ordinary and talk about Him with others in natural, normal conversations.

If talking to non-Christians about Jesus seems unnatural, ask yourself, does talking to your LifeGroup about Jesus feel natural? 

If mission is a struggle for your LifeGroup, consider rethinking how LifeGroup Guides work. These guides are a means to an end for us to be a Jesus-centered family on mission. Let LifeGroup times act be the training ground for your group to improve how you do “mission”.

Consider each part of LifeGroup time:

1 - Catch Up on life

During this time we are training ourselves to grow in our awareness of God’s presence. We want to see reality the way He sees it. Our daily interactions throughout the day aren’t just random happenstance, those are divine appointments. Our day-to-day circumstances aren’t ordinary, those are gifts to thank God for. 

If Catch Up on Life is a struggle for you then consider praying something like this: “God help me see my life with you in mind. Help me to see everything you give as a gift. Help me see people the way you see them.” 

2 - Review the Mission

Who are the people in your life who don’t know Jesus? Are their people in your life who you don’t know if they don’t know Jesus? Consider what next steps look like for you - it may be introducing yourself to a neighbor or coworker for the first time, inviting a new acquaintance to a LifeGroup rhythm, initiating a spiritual conversation, inviting someone over for a meal. Whatever that is, resolve by the power of the Spirit, knowing God is with you. Fill your LifeGroup in on how your plan so they can hold you accountable.

3 - Sermon Discussion

By renewing our minds through Scripture, we are made more and more into the likeness of Jesus. This means more than just gathering information but seeing how the Bible applies in our day-to-day, allowing God to transform us, and talking about it casually and conversationally with the people in your LifeGroup. If you’re able to comfortably and fluently talk about the Bible around Christians, this better prepares you to talk about the Bible around nonChristians.

4 - Engage the Heart

During this portion, we recognize we are the chief of sinners and need God’s grace in our lives first before we can tell others about Him. Engage the Heart trains us to listen, practice empathy, ask follow-up questions, and ultimately tell others why the Gospel is good news for them. Gospel fluency in LifeGroup equips us to be gospel fluent outside of LifeGroup.

• Why is being on mission a challenge for your group?

• Each portion of LifeGroup time trains us to be more missional. What’s one portion you can focus on the next time you meet in order to better be on mission?

What is Examen Prayer?

The examen prayer (Latin for “examination”) is meant to be practiced at the end of each day, looking back and discerning God’s activity with an aim to grow in deeper awareness for the next day. By practicing this regularly we’re able to more quickly see God in the ordinary, live in a posture of godward gratitude, and regularly experience His presence. 

This prayer can be broken down in five steps: 

1. Recognize God’s presence

Hebrews 10:19-21 reminds us that, through Jesus, we have confidence to draw near to Him. In prayer, we actively step into the presence of God not in intimidation or guilt but in relational communication. He delights in spending time with you. Take some time to slow your mind down, let your body relax, and as you step into His presence, ask God to give you clarity and understanding as you review your day.

2. Recall God’s goodness

Walk through your day from morning to evening and, as 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, “give thanks in all circumstances.” What did you do today? Who did you talk to? Even in the small things, give thanks - what brought delight to you today? Even if you find it difficult to give thanks, Lamentations 3:22-23 reminds us the Lord’s “mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.” In light of that, ask the Lord to give you insight on how you can express gratitude in all your circumstances.

3. Review the day

When were you most aware of Jesus’ presence? What did you do today out of reliance on the Spirit? What was that like? How did that happen? Express thankfulness for those moments and ask God to give you more opportunities to experience His presence.

When were you least aware of Jesus’ presence? What did you do today out of your own power and strength? What was that like? How did that happen? Scripture reminds us that He is with you always (Matt 2:23, 28:20). Ask God into those moments.

4. Repent

What sin(s) do you need to confess to God?

What are you struggling to trust God with? How can you give God control of it?

Has the Holy Spirit been prompting you to do anything that you’ve been resisting? What step(s) do you need to take to walk in obedience?

5. Resolve

Ask God to give you Spirit-filled guidance and power to be more aware of His presence tomorrow. You may even consider writing down specific next steps as a reminder.

Like other practices, this will be challenging at first. Stick with it. Eventually, this will get easier as you commit to this practice regularly.

• Which of these steps is the most challenging for you? Why?

• What do you need to do to incorporate this practice into your life?