Columbia Christmas Greatness

The Christmas season is here! In case you are looking for great Christmas-themed activities to do, and since we are a church that loves our city, we thought we would highlight 5 great Christmas things to do around Columbia.

1. Lights at the Zoo.  Every Christmas for the past 25 years, Riverbanks Zoo sets up Christmas lights all over the premises.  More information here: http://www.riverbanks.org/events/lights-before-christmas.shtml
2. Saluda River Lights. If walking through the zoo sounds too cold, the Saluda Shoals Park is another great place to go see  some Christmas lights from the comfort of your own car. They have over a million Christmas lights with over 400 animated themes within a 2-mile drive.  More information here: http://www.icrc.net/events/holiday-lights.aspx
3. Ice Skating. Nothing says "Tis the season" like skating on a giant block of ice. Columbia now has its first outdoor ice skating rink on Main Steet that is 50' x 63'.  More information on dates and times of operation can be found here: http://www.columbiacvb.com/includes/events/index.cfm?action=displayDetail&eventid=11367
4. Devine Night Out. More than 40 stores on Devine Street in Columbia will welcome guests from 5 to 8 p.m. on December 13^th for an evening of shopping, socializing and festive cheer. The celebrations continue from 8 to 10 p.m. with a fabulous FREE After Party at Burger Tavern 77 featuring live entertainment and an assortment of complimentary food and beverages. More information can be found here: http://devinestreetcolumbiasc.com/news_and_events/news/39/
5. |giv| Allen-Benedict. No Christmas is complete without Midtown's |giv| campaign. This year we are rallying towards a local, here-in-Columbia project. We are going to give our prayers, financial support, and even ourselves to be behind a launch of  a new campus right in the Allen-Benedict Area. More information can be found here: http://midtowncolumbia.com/allen-benedict-campus/

Why We Take a Break at Christmas

As long as we've been a church, we haven't hosted Gatherings on the weeks around Christmas and New Years. Since this is different than what many churches do, we thought it might be helpful to explain why.

1. Church is more than what happens on Sundays.

The bible is clear that church is a group of people, not a service on Sunday. While meeting together is important, it is not the main way church is practiced. So when we don't have Gatherings for two weeks, it doesn't mean we're not "having church." It simply means that during those two weeks, our church will not all be meeting together in a building.

2. Rest and family time is important for our staff.

Not having Gatherings for two weeks helps enable our church staff and pastors to take time off to rest and be with family. This helps our staff and pastors be good leaders to their family, in addition to good leaders of our church. In addition, the bible tells us that resting is a good way of reminding ourselves that it is ultimately God who holds things together, not us. For our staff, resting is important so that we remember that God is ultimately the one who leads his Church.

3. Christmas is a great time for mission.

Christmas is arguably the time of year that boasts the most parties and get-togethers. Take the time you would have spent at a Gathering and/or serving with Midtown, and attend/throw a party instead. Show the love and hospitality of Jesus by enjoying time, company, and food with your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors.

We will have no Gatherings at either campus on December 23 and December 30. Gatherings will resume on January 6, with the exception of the Devine Street 7:00pm Gathering, which will resume on January 13. For details about our holiday Gathering schedule, visit our calendar or Gathering page.

Baptism Gathering | Fall 2012 | A Photo Essay

This past Sunday we hosted our Baptism Gathering at the Fairgrounds. We had hundreds of people from our church family come and celebrate what Jesus has done in the lives of 19 people. Here are a few photos from the event.  

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3 Reasons to Apply for the Midtown Residency Program

1. Get equipped for vocational ministry and/or church planting.

This is the perfect opportunity if you want to get hands on ministry experience.  The Midtown Residency is designed to give you a firsthand look at what vocational ministry looks like. Not only will you get to work with pastors on a daily basis but also be given responsibilities of oversight that you wouldn't be able to experience as a volunteer.

If God has called you to church planting, we want to design your job description to best equip you.  Giving you exposure to teaching, groups strategy, and pastoral care issues are a few tools to have you equipped with while you are preparing to launch a church plant.

2. Get real life experience to help with job interviews.

One of the most common complaints we hear from recent graduates is this:

 “Employers are only hiring people with experience.  How do I get experience if no one will hire me?

Even if you don’t want to be in vocational ministry, the Residency Program is still very applicable.  The Residency is not a camp; it is actual work experience with high expectations.  We are very selective in our interview and application process and we expect a lot from our residents.  The benefit for this is once the Residency is over, you have actual real world work experience that you can draw from while you are interviewing for future job endeavors.

We will also be a good source to give resounding recommendations, and are willing to help with our network of relationships to help with job searches when possible.

3. Grow spiritually.

The Residency is just as focused on giving you ministry experience as it is developing you as a person.

In addition to your job description, you will also be a part of a once a week Life & Leadership Residency Class. The curriculum is taught by our pastors and is designed to develop you in your life and character in addition to giving you doctrinal foundation and leadership development instructions.

We want residents to be better prepared to be leaders in their LifeGroups, communities, and households.  The training that you will receive will impact your ability to lead people that God has entrusted you with for the rest of your life.

If you are interested in this program at all, we hope that you’ll fill out an application.  From there, we do a couple interviews where we help you figure out if this is a good fit, taking into account your life circumstances. By just filling out an application, you are not committing to anything and can continue to decide if this is what Jesus wants you to do.

The deadline to fill them out is December 1^st.

[button label="Ready to apply? Click here" link="http://www.midtownres.com" shape="default"]

Sermon Recap | The Most Important Day of Your Marriage

For those of you who missed the sermon on Sunday, or couldn't get enough of the sermon on Sunday, here's a recap of the sermon, "The Most Important Day of Your Marriage." This sermon is the final part of our series, A Marriage You'd Actually Want. Tweetables

"Everyone thinks about the first day of marriage, but nobody thinks about the last day." http://ow.ly/f6wyK

"Every marriage ends. The question is 'how will it end?' What will be the legacy of your marriage?"http://ow.ly/f6wI7

"Marriage is temporary. It is a symbol of something that will exist fully in heaven." http://ow.ly/f6xol

"Marriage is a shadow. It points to something better and more real than itself." http://ow.ly/f6wSx

"The marriage of Christ to his Church is ultimately the marriage that we'd all actually want."http://ow.ly/f6xZb

"Don't waste your marriage. Don't spend it all thinking that it's all about you and your spouse. It's not." http://ow.ly/f6y91

Listen to the Sermon

Want to listen to the sermon? Check the links below:

[button label="Download Devine Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/11112012_Devine_Adam.mp3" shape="default"]

[button label="Download Main Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/11112012_Main_Luda.mp3" shape="default"]

Leader Meeting | A Photo Essay

This past Thursday, we had a ton of fun at the Leader Meeting for our LifeGroup Leaders. For those who got there early, they got to enjoy a homemade dessert party. The night was filled with stories, laughs, challenges, encouragement, and prayer. Here are a few photos from the event.

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Sermon Recap | Death by Porn

For those of you who missed the sermon on Sunday, or couldn't get enough of the sermon on Sunday, here's a recap of the sermon, "Death by Porn." This sermon is part of our series, A Marriage You'd Actually Want. Intro Video

http://vimeo.com/52872326

Tweetables

"We don't first need rubber bands on our wrists and accountability software. We need a new heart from Jesus." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

"When you see what God offers, porn looks immeasurably dissatisfying by comparison." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

"God offers fully everything that you go to porn to gain." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

"What porn promises and never delivers, Jesus promises and delivers fully." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

"Porn promises intimacy, but actually takes away your ability to experience it." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

"The options are not a life with porn or a life without porn. The options are a life with porn or a life with God." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

"Sex within marriage trains you to be sexually addicted to your spouse. Porn trains you to be addicted to anything and anyone except your spouse." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

"Porn is training yourself to prefer what sex is not about." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

"Marriage doesn't make your lust problem better. A lust problem makes your marriage worse." bitly.com/Qt4tsL

Listen to the Sermon

Want to listen to the sermon? Check the links below:

[button label="Download Devine Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/11042012_Devine_Adam.mp3" shape="default"]

[button label="Download Main Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/11042012_Main_Jon.mp3" shape="default"]

College Students: Join us in Miami?

Each year, we take our college students to a major U.S. city to love and serve the people there during spring break. We announced this Sunday that this year we'll be heading to Miami, Florida. Take a look at the reveal video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEQFwjNCUDc&feature=plcp

[button label="Ready to sign up? Click here" link="http://www.midtowncolumbia.com/miami" shape="default"]

Porn Sunday at the Gathering

This Sunday, we'll be talking porn at all of our Gatherings. Why devote an entire sermon to discussing porn? Frankly, because our culture is obsessed and saturated with it. In 2006, US porn revenues  were more than the revenues of professional football, baseball, and basketball franchises combined. 90% of children between ages 8 and 16 have viewed porn on the internet, and 12% of all websites are pornographic. And the stereotype that porn is only an issue for men is blatantly incorrect. A full one third of women admit to intentionally accessing internet porn and 1 in 6 women admit to "struggling with an addiction to pornography."

We assume that because we're a church, most people know that we'll say porn is bad. So we're more interested in talking about why it's bad. We'll discuss the effects of porn physically, physiologically, spiritually, and relationally.

Here's some questions we'll answer:

• Isn't porn harmless?
• How does porn affect a marriage?
• How does porn affect the brain?
• What does the bible say about porn?

We hope you'll join us this week at the Gathering as we discuss what no one wants to say about porn and what to do about it.

[button label="View Gathering times & locations" link="http://www.midtowncolumbia.com/gatherings" shape="default"]

Sermon Recap | Sexual Healing

For those of you who missed the sermon on Sunday, or couldn't get enough of the sermon on Sunday, here's a recap of the sermon, "Servant Lovers." This sermon is part of our series, A Marriage You'd Actually Want. Intro Video

http://vimeo.com/52380889

Tweetables

"In life, pastoral ministry, and in the life of our church, almost nothing brings shame like sexual sin does." http://ow.ly/ePDwq

"Because sex is such a beautiful invention from God, sin can distort it into one of the most damaging weapons." http://ow.ly/ePDC1

"Shame is the hangover of sexual sin." http://ow.ly/ePDEN

"Sexual sin is always rooted in selfishness. Taking and consuming rather than giving and serving." http://ow.ly/ePDHs

"Jesus didn't just die for our sin. He also was killed as an innocent victim on the cross to bear all of our shame." http://ow.ly/ePDUk

"Your sin and the sin against you does not define you. It does not have the last word on your identity. Jesus does." http://ow.ly/ePE9M

Listen to the Sermon

Want to listen to the sermon? Check the links below:

[button label="Download Devine Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/10282012_Devine_Alan.mp3" shape="default"]

[button label="Download Main Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/10282012_Main_Luda.mp3" shape="default"]

Sex, Sin, & the Cross | A Poem Video

For Sunday's sermon on sexual sin and abuse, we featured a poem about sexual sin, its effects, and how the gospel relates to those dealing with sexual sin and/or abuse. We've posted the live video of the poem here, in addition to a downloadable copy of the lyrics and an mp3. Please feel free to share them with anyone who might find it beneficial or encouraging to hear.

http://youtu.be/4OuLocOXNow

[button label="Download the Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Ant-Spoken-Word.mp3" shape="default"] [button label="Read the Lyrics" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Sex-Sin-the-Cross.pdf" shape="default"]

SB2013 Blind Sign-Up

Each year on Spring Break, we head to a major U.S. city to love and serve the people, churches, and organizations there. In the past we've traveled to Chicago, D.C., Boston, Philly, & New York City. On November 4, we'll be revealing the top-secret location this year. But before we do that, we wanted to feature a special offer for those of you who are convinced that you want to go on the trip, and want to save some cash by signing up early. So here's the deal:

The first 75 students who sign up for this year's spring break mission trip will save $30 on their registration price.*

You heard us right. If you trust us enough to be willing to go to whatever city we pick, you can sign up before knowing the location, and only pay $239. The full registration price after the first 75 people sign up will be $269.

*You can secure the early bird rate of $239 by paying the full amount now, or by just paying your $99 deposit now. You don't have to pay the balance until the beginning of 2013.

Ready to go all in?

[button label="Sign up for SB2013 here" link="https://midtowncolumbia.ccbchurch.com/w_form_response.php?form_id=301" shape="default"]

Eat on Mission

Part of our vision for church at Midtown is to always be on mission. If you're new to living life on mission, finding out where to start can be intimidating. One easy way we've found to be on mission in our city is by visiting local restaurants, building relationships with the servers and hostesses by asking them how they're doing and tipping well. To help out, we've compiled a list of local spots where you can eat on mission:

American/Southern

• Pawley’s Front Porch $
• Yesterday’s $
• Cafe Strudel $
• Rockaway Athletic Club $
• Harper’s $$
• Mr. Friendly’s $$$
• Motor Supply Co. Bistro $$$
• Blue Marlin $$$
• Mac’s on Laurel $ (Cash Only)
• Drake’s Duck-in $ (Cash Only)

Barbecue

• Palmetto Pig $
• Doc’s BBQ $

Italian

• Garibaldi’s $$
• Villa Tronco $$
• Za’s Brick Oven Pizza $$

International

• Devine Foods $
• Cantina 76 $$
• Lamb’s Bread (Vegan) $

Pub/Tavern

• Thirsty Fellow $$
• Hunter Gatherer $$
• The Whig $
• Delaney’s $$
• Village Idiot $
• Burger Tavern 77 $

Deli

• Gourmet Shop $$
• Di Prato’s $$
• No Name Delicatessen $ (Cash Only)
• Groucho’s $

Dessert

• Nonnah’s $$
• Goat Feathers $$

Coffee Shop

• Drip $$
• Immaculate Consumption $
• Cool Beans $

Asian

• Blue Cactus (Vegan Options) $
• Tsunami $$
• Grilled Teriyaki $
• M Vista $$

$: <$15   $$:$25    $$$:>$25

Sermon Recap | Sermon Lovers

For those of you who missed the sermon on Sunday, or couldn't get enough of the sermon on Sunday, here's a recap of the sermon, "Servant Lovers." This sermon is part of our series, A Marriage You'd Actually Want. Intro Video

http://vimeo.com/51915380

Tweetables

"The bible is probably more comfortable talking about sex than most of us are." ow.ly/eE0Lp

"Almost everybody knows God's rules about sex, but almost nobody knows the glorious reasons that he has them." ow.ly/eE0NZ

"Sex is a physical picture of the marriage covenant that communicates 'all of me belongs to all of you, forever." ow.ly/eE0Q8

"Since sex is a picture of oneness, sex outside of marriage is not just wrong, it's a lie." ow.ly/eE0Su

"Sex is the physical expression of the covenant of marriage." ow.ly/eE0TT

"Sex is a picture that points to the union between Christ and his Church in heaven." ow.ly/eE0Vp

"Sin is always the problem in sex. You don't primarily need better technique. You need Jesus." ow.ly/eE0X2

"Until Jesus is in view and we see our need for him, we can't even see the goodness that sex was meant to be." ow.ly/eE0Y5

Listen to the Sermon

Want to listen to the sermon? Check the links below:

[button label="Download Devine Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/10212012_Devine_Adam.mp3" shape="default"]

[button label="Download Main Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/10212012_Main_Jon.mp3" shape="default"]

What does the Bible Say about Divorce?

If you have a church background, you’ve probably heard that God hates divorce. Indeed, in Malachi 2:16, God says just that: “’I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel…” (NIV). The reason that God hates divorce is because marriage is designed by God to reflect the covenant relationship of God with man, and when divorce happens it not only hurts the people involved—it also reflects poorly on God’s never-ending covenant relationship with His people, specifically portrayed in the cross of Jesus.  We see a concrete picture of the faithfulness of God in committed, life-long marriages and divorce undermines that illustration (1 Corinthians 7:10; Matthew 19:6). Scripture does allow for divorce in certain situations, however. All divorce is certainly caused by sin, but all divorce is not sinful. There are two specific biblical circumstances when divorce is permitted (though not commanded):

1. Marital unfaithfulness—Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 specifically state that divorce can be permitted when there is sexual immorality—when one spouse is unfaithful to the other.
2. Abandonment from an unbelieving spouse—1 Corinthians 7:15 states another biblical reason for divorce—if an unbelieving spouse does not wish to be married anymore.

It’s important to note that divorce is allowed, but not required. Even marital unfaithfulness can be overcome by the grace of Jesus—He has forgiven us for so much that we can forgive great debts (Ephesians 4:32). Marriages can be reconciled and thrive even after horrific sins. Likewise, 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 encourages Christians married to non-believers to do everything possible to stay with their spouse, even if it is difficult. The exception only comes if the unbelieving partner leaves of their own accord.

Divorce is never the goal because God is a God of reconciliation. The gospel tells us that there is hope for the most broken marriages and we encourage marital reconciliation in every possible situation. However, although it is not the goal, in some circumstances it is a biblical option and some are left without another option when unrepentant spouses cheat, leave, or refuse to be reconciled.

What About Remarriage?

The above passages state that those divorced out of marital unfaithfulness or abandonment are free to remarry without further sin. However, for those divorced for other reasons, remarriage would be further sin, as Jesus explicitly calls it adultery in Matthew 19:9 (because the original marriage should still be in tact). In that situation, we encourage the spouse to do everything in their power to reconcile with their former spouse.

What About Other Extreme Issues?

What about when a spouse is alcoholic, abusive, financially irresponsible, etc.? These things are certainly sin issues and need to be confronted just like any other sin in the church. We encourage spouses to involve their LifeGroup (or community) in the confrontation of these issues and the protection of the family. If in physical danger, the spouse and children should immediately do everything possible to get out of danger, and the church community will do whatever is necessary to step in and ensure their safety. Of course, the details of these issues are varied and complex, and each situation has to be handled individually.

Hope For All Involved

The most important thing we can say about divorce is that just like any other sin issue or wound we encounter, the gospel of Jesus speaks hope to all who are involved or affected. Marital sin and divorce always cause pain for those affected by it, but the grace of Jesus covers all of our sin and brings redemption even to the wounds from other’s sin against us. Jesus is our righteousness, our healer, and our great High Priest. No matter where we’ve been or what we’ve been through, we can draw near to the throne of grace with confidence (Hebrews 4:14-16).

College Fall Retreat | A Photo Blog

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Last weekend, we took 125 students to the mountains of Brevard, NC for College Fall Retreat. Students learned about dating and relationships, worshiped together, hung out in the mountains, and even got to watch the Carolina-LSU game on Saturday night. Here are some photos from the weekend.

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Let's Talk about Sex | The Next 3 Weeks

In the next three weeks of our series, A Marriage You'd Actually Want, we'll be talking about the subject of sex in various capacities. This Sunday will be on the topic of Servant Lovers, where we'll discuss how selflessness factors in to a healthy sex life in marriage. Next Sunday, we'll be talking about how to deal with sexual sin and sexual assault. And the third week, we'll discuss the realities of pornography and what to do about it. For more information about each week, check our series page. We wanted to prepare people for these weeks, since sex is not something that is discussed with a great deal of honesty in the church at large. We also wanted to take some time and answer some questions you might have about those weeks:

Why take three weeks to talk about sex?

First of all, because the bible has lots to say on the topic. Second of all, because sex is an important part of marriage. So to do a marriage series that didn't talk about sex would be a little silly. And thirdly, because our culture has a lot to say about sex. Things are being communicated about sex through movies, music, and in daily conversations, so it's important that we bring a biblical perspective to see what Jesus and the Bible have to say on the subject.

Will the content be unsafe for children to hear?

We will be talking candidly about sex during all three weeks. We won't be crude, but we will be honest and direct. What you allow your kids to hear is ultimately your choice as a parent. We offer Kidtown for kids 5th grade and under during our 9:00am, 11:15am, and 5:00pm Gatherings. If you're uncomfortable with your kid attending one of these weeks, you can take them to Kidtown. If your child is in middle school and you're uncomfortable with them hearing about sex, we would suggest that they probably already have heard about it. So having them hear a biblical perspective on things may actually be extremely helpful.

What if I'm single?

A lot of single people dread hearing sermons about sex, because generally speaking, there's less to apply. We would encourage single people to attend all three weeks. The last two weeks on sexual sin/assault and porn will be just as applicable to single people as they are to married people. This coming week on sex within marriage is simply important because everyone has a perspective on sex and it's purpose, so seeing what the Bible says about it is a good idea for single people and married people alike.

Want an idea of what we'll be talking about? Listen to "Sex," a sermon from our series, God, Sex & Romance, from a couple years ago.

Introducing the Midtown Residency Program

In August 2012, we welcomed our inaugural class of Midtown resident interns. The residents started the program with the goal of gaining practical, hands-on ministry experience, getting leadership training, and learning about the inner workings of a church. These interns served in areas ranging from graphic design to LifeGroups to financial administration, and everywhere in between. As a result of their internship, we has strengthened and improved the way we do ministry, and in return provided them with practical ministry, vocational, and leadership training.

Here are some areas of ministry we offer as a part of the residency:

• Event Planning
• Teaching
• Administration
• Community Missions
• Global Missions
• Business/Finance
• Children's Ministry
• LifeGroups (our small groups system)
• Information Technology/Systems
• Worship Leading
• Hospitality & Guest Services
• Web Development
• Graphic Design
• Communications & Content Strategy
• Sunday Gathering/Service Production

Internship, part-time, and full-time positions are all available. We have now opened the sign-ups for the 2013 Residency Program. If you think you might be interested in vocational ministry or church planting, or just want to use your gifts to serve the church, the Residency Program might be right for you.

Not interested, but know someone who might be? Send them the link. The Residency Program is open to Midtown members and non-members.

[button label="Find out more about the Residency" link="http://www.midtownres.com" shape="default"]

http://vimeo.com/51005557

Sermon Recap | The Only Reason a Marriage Fails

For those of you who missed the sermon on Sunday, or couldn't get enough of the sermon on Sunday, here's a recap of the sermon, "The Only Reason a Marriage Fails." This sermon is part of our series, A Marriage You'd Actually Want. Intro Video

http://vimeo.com/51442123

Tweetables

"Sin is the only reason a marriage fails. Sin enters the relationship, and people don't know what to do with it." http://bit.ly/OEPjiY

"Adam blame-shifted his sin in the garden, and spouses have been blame-shifting their sin ever since." http://bit.ly/OEPjiY

"Apart from Jesus, you will either take revenge on other people's sin or sweep it under the rug. Neither one helps." http://bit.ly/OEPjiY

"The cross of Jesus allows us to take sin seriously, while still extending forgiveness and grace." http://bit.ly/OEPjiY

"A sinful response to sin is still sin." http://bit.ly/OEPjiY

"Your spouse doesn't make you sin; they only expose the sin that was already there." http://bit.ly/OEPjiY

"When you own your sin and treat it as the primary problem in your marriage, conflict starts melting away." http://bit.ly/OEPjiY

"You do damage to your marriage and confuse your spouse if you only confess sin and never repent of it." http://bit.ly/OEPjiY

Listen to the Sermon

Want to listen to the sermon? Check the links below:

[button label="Download Devine Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/10142012_Devine_Adam.mp3" shape="default"]

[button label="Download Main Street Audio" link="http://midtowncolumbia.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/10142012_Main_Alan.mp3" shape="default"]

What Repentance Is & Isn't

In light of the sermon last Sunday on sin, confession, and repentance yesterday, we wanted to make sure everyone was clear on what repentance is. We figured a good place to start was by discussing what repentance is not. So here's some things repentance isn't:

1. Repentance is not getting caught. It is coming clean. What does your spouse not know about you?
2. Repentance is not denying our sin. What sin is in your life and marriage that you simply have not accepted as sin that has to be dealt with honestly?
3. Repentance is not diminishing our sin. What have you partially confessed without telling the whole truth? What have you downplayed as a minor sin that if not put to death will only grow to damage your marriage greatly?
4. Repentance is not managing our sin. What sin are you trying to keep under control or not letting your spouse or other people you respect see?
5. Repentance is not blame-shifting our sin. What ways have you blamed others for your sin rather than accepting responsibility for it? Who or what do you, like Adam and Eve in the garden, blame? Do you blame God? Your spouse? Your parents? The culture? Your personality? Stress?
6. Repentance is not excusing our sin. What excuses do you most commonly use to justify and excuse your sin?
7. Repentance is not about someone else’s sin. When conversing with your spouse, which sins of theirs are you most apt to bring up, rather than speaking about your own sins?
8. Repentance is not about manipulating God or people for blessing. In the past, how have your faked true repentance in an effort not to put your sin to death out of true sorrow, but rather in an effort to manipulate God or people to bless you for being a good person?
9. Repentance is not worldly sorrow. Non-Christians can and do feel bad about their sin but do not see it as an offense against God and do not hate it out of love for Him and others. Have you simply shed a few tears, looked sad, said you were sorry, but not really repented?
10. Repentance is not solely grieving the consequences of your sin but it is hating the evil of the sin itself. How have you lamented the consequences of your sin and what it has cost you but not truly come to hate it, fight it, war against it, and put it to death?
11. Repentance is not mere confession. How many times have you said you were sorry with no real, deep, heartfelt commitment to change, and what confusion has this caused your spouse?

What repentance is, luckily, is much simpler than what it isn't. At the same time, it's much harder to do and can only be driven by the gospel. True repentance is a combination of three things:

1. Repentance includes confession.  In confession, you agree with God that you have sinned. Confession includes both your mind and mouth.
2. Repentance includes conviction. In conviction, you feel what God feels about your sin. Conviction includes both your emotions and expressions. Your heart is affected, not just your words.
3. Repentance includes change. In change, you stop worshipping sin and start worshipping Jesus. Change includes your will and works.